Letting Go: How It Helps You

BY Donna Merrill 

Letting go does not mean giving up! In fact, it helps you gain peace of mind and move forward.

Today I’ve a special guest – please welcome Donna, who’s an intuitive life coach and personal development expert. Let’s read all that she has to share with us today – over to her.

Letting go of anything is so difficult for some people. It can be a hurtful family member or just a piece of furniture.

When we refuse to let go, what happens? We remain stagnant.

Our life is so cluttered with the old, often useless and dysfunctional stuff that we have no room for new things to come in.

I know how difficult it is when a loved one passes on. We mourn our loss and go through a ritual such as burying or cremating the person. Each culture has its own way of facing the “ending”.

We give ourselves time to mourn and then let go. I don’t want to sound morbid by using this example, but it is the ultimate experience of letting go.

Death is something everyone learns to handle because it is an inevitable part of the natural life cycle.

But what happens to people when they become entrenched in a specific lifestyle, or a particular journey and they just can’t adjust to any alteration or modification?

Why People are Afraid of Letting Go

People may stay at a job they don’t like because of fear of what is beyond their potential. Some stay there for years and do not allow themselves to grow and enjoy the things they may love to do.

I notice that when people refuse to let go of things that just don’t work for them any longer, their happiness and sense of self worth start to melt away. They cannot enjoy their spouse, their family, etc.

They may get angry or play victim to the very circumstances that they foster. In any case, they won’t allow themselves to try to extend themselves even for a job interview, let alone starting their own business.

And, often enough, if they do step out of their comfort zone and things don’t work out, they quickly play the blame game to make things somebody else’s fault.

Letting Go of Things in Your Life

I know a woman who is quite a hoarder. Now, this is a physical and transparent form of refusing to let go.

This person cannot let go of her furniture because it reminds her of her past. Her garage is full of surplus furniture and she always complained about it, and begged me to help her get rid of it. But first, I extended myself by visiting her to take pictures of everything, from furniture down to the silverware.

I made a photo album for her so she could keep those memories without cluttering her home. Little by little, she started to give away something here and there. But she didn’t let go of these things without anxiety.

So each time she gave something away, I suggested that she look at the picture we took. After two years, her house has nothing but the essentials in it. Now she is even ready to move to a new place.

Unsurprisingly, this woman’s willingness to let go of her furniture has opened her to letting go of some negative relationships in her life. As she has done so, she’s been able to replace them some good and positive relationships that she had previously avoided.

This is one simple way to illustrate how letting go of things go in our lives enables us to grow, and to move on to new adventures and possibilities.

Letting Go and Starting Your Business

When it comes to our wonderful world of business on the internet, I find that lots of folks are fearful of letting go of menial jobs that are going nowhere in order to start their own business.

So, what can we do with the person who can’t let go of dead-end jobs and careers, even though they are fully capable of doing better?

“Create a back door!” I usually suggest. Go on working as usual, but create time to work on your own business. Nothing happens overnight.

Start your new venture part time, utilizing spare evening or weekend hours. There are many successful people who are doing business part time via the Internet.

That phrase “create a back door” is comforting to those who find it difficult to let go all at once. All one has to do is be diligent, persistent and a business will bloom.

Time is not necessarily of the essence here. “Letting go” is.

Starting an online business part time affords a comfort zone to many people that I’ve consulted with.

They can rely on the job that keeps them financially and emotionally comfortable, while taking daring little chances for a few hours a day.

It’s really not uncommon that before they know it, they are able to totally let go of the go-nowhere job and mentality, and apply themselves fully to doing what makes them happy.

Letting Go of People in Your Life

Letting go of people that are toxic is a biggie, too!

I must have heard a hundred stories about people that won’t let go of a toxic or worse,abusive relationship.

I feel this is the worst form of refusing to let go, especially if there are children involved in the situation.

It is often not an easy thing to let go of a partner because of financial situations, or worse, the syndrome whereby one spouse believes that they cannot survive without the other, even if it puts them (and others) in harm’s way.

Now, if there are children involved in this situation, they are being abused, too. Yes! If daddy is putting down mommy or even worse, displaying violence, the children will suffer, too. To me that is criminal.

But hey, I’m not Queen of the world. I just know this from my own personal experience!

When the abused spouse lets go of the abusive partner (and sometimes it is best to get help before one does it), they end up gaining strength. Why? Because it takes so much strength to deal with that situation, when it is over, the victim who couldn’t let go – turns into the victor who did.

Conclusion

So you see – letting go is often required in order for you to move forward in your life, and in your business.

We all need to let go of some things in our lives in order to grow. The above examples may be pretty extreme, but try applying it to even small things in your life.

Are you holding on to something that you just cannot shake? Do you dream of anything at all that you aren’t doing right now?

What are you waiting for? Let go of ANYTHING that is holding you back and realize that you never stuck in time, you are always evolving. Growth and development never end!

Over To You –

Do you believe in letting go? What can you let go of to make room for growth and improvement in your life? Share in the comments.

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13:33:00 - By Vincent 0

5 Lessons Standup Comedians Can Teach You About Public Speaking

 by Steven Handel

If you want to improve your public speaking, there is no better place to look than the world of standup comedy.

A good comedian is a master of public speaking. Not only do they have to be confident and comfortable on stage, but they are expected to be humorous and entertaining as well. As Jerry Seinfeld once said, “No one is more judged in civilized society than a standup comedian. Every 12 seconds you’re rated.”

Standup comedy is one of the most difficult professions to be successful at. They have to face tremendous amounts of failure and embarrassment before they can get to where they are. And there is nothing more humiliating than “bombing” in front of an audience, where every joke lands flat and everyone is left staring at you blankly as you try to squeeze out a few laughs.

In the new book Do You Talk Funny? 7 Comedy Habits to Become a Better (and Funnier) Public Speaker, David Nihill enters the world of standup comedy and discovers key lessons that anyone can use to improve their public speaking.

Whether you’re giving a public presentation to a business, school, or government organization, there is a lot you can learn from standup comedy. And learning these skills can really take your speaking ability to the next level.

Unlike a comedian, most public speakers aren’t expected to be very funny or entertaining. But even adding just a little bit of humor to your presentation will make you stand out from the crowd and become more memorable.

Here are a few key lessons we can learn from standup comedians on how to improve our public speaking abilities.

Master the art of story-telling

People rarely remember information unless it is presented in the form of a story.

You can list all of the facts, statistics, and bits of wisdom you’d like, but it’s probably going to go in one ear and out the other. People crave narratives to make sense of their world. We don’t just want information given to us in clear bullet-points, we want that information to convey a story with a beginning, middle, and end.

While there are comedians who specialize in one-liners and witticisms (Bo Burnham, Anthony Jeselnik), often the best comedians are story-tellers (Louis C.K., Aziz Ansari, Doug Stanhope). They begin their jokes by describing a situation. Then they reveal a conflict with the protagonist (often themselves). And they end by presenting a resolution or final twist.

Story-telling is important in any domain where you want to grab an audience’s attention. A teacher may have a bunch of facts that they want their students to remember, but by adding a story to their presentation they can make their material much more sticky and memorable (see How to Plant Powerful Ideas in People’s Minds That Actually Take Root for more on this).

While you may not think of yourself as a natural story-teller, this is something that can definitely be learned with practice. David Nihill gives great tips in his book on how he became a better story-teller, and I’ll be sharing some of those with you right now.

Draw from your own personal experiences

When trying to create a story, you don’t need to start from scratch or recreate an entire universe. Start with what you know best – your own personal experiences.

Most of our memories are already structured in the form of a narrative. There’s a setting, a protagonist (you!), a conflict, and an ending.

One great piece of advice is to start a document on your computer and make a list of memorable stories. These could be centered around a specific presentation you want to give (stories of breakups or stories of failing at a goal), or just stories you think will be interesting or entertaining to share with your audience.

Start by making a list with the general idea behind each story (“That one time a girl threw her drink at me”). Then you can go back to this list and elaborate more on each memory when you have the time (“I was at college at this local bar…all my friends had hooked up with a girl and I was the odd man out…I saw this gorgeous girl dancing and decided to approach her…”).

Having a “story collection” can be very helpful if you are a public speaker. If you don’t already have one, you should start one now. You might have a lot of awesome stories that you don’t know how to integrate into your presentation, but by starting your collection now you will have a wealth of stories on the back-burner, ready for use when you need them.

The best part about focusing on your own personal experiences is that you know your stories will be unique. Also, no one will know your stories better than you so they are typically way easier to remember and share than if you were to try and create an entertaining story out of thin air.

It’s often said that to be a great story-teller, you need to have lived a little. If you’re having trouble thinking of any interesting memories from your past, it may be time to do some adventure-seeking and start creating new stories in your life.

Try new things, go to new places, and meet new people – often the stories will start writing themselves. These are great ways to start building a better “story collection” in your life.

In Do You Talk Funny? 7 Comedy Habits to Become a Better (and Funnier) Public Speaker, David Nihill enters the comedy world for a whole year to help overcome his fear of public speaking. The book shares his experiences as “Irish Dave” and the various lessons he picked up from standup comedians. Each chapter includes practical advice and exercises to help you improve your own skills in communication, presentation, and public speaking.

Test your material with friends and family

Every comedian knows that their jokes are rarely “finished” when they are telling them for the first time.

Instead, like most polished stories, it often requires a few new drafts and editing before we settle on the best way to share our material.

This is why comedians like Louis C.K., Jerry Seinfeld, and Aziz Ansari spend a lot of time sharing their new material in small clubs or at open mic nights before they present the material to a larger audience.

Sometimes they will enter a small club with just a vague idea of what they want to talk about. And once they begin “riffing” (or improvising) on that topic, they begin to find what lines get laughs and what lines they are better off getting rid of.

We can practice our own material in a similar way – even if it’s just sharing a story with friends or family. By testing your material in front of a small audience, you’ll soon discover what parts of your story connect with your audience and what parts don’t seem to work.

Like all experiments, this is going to require you becoming more comfortable with failure. You might think you have a great story on your mind, but you end up delivering it in a bad way and no one seems to care. That’s okay! Just try to take what you learned and use that to improve your story the next time you’re telling it.

Over time your stories will become more polished and refined. Eventually you reach a point where you become more comfortable telling the story because you know exactly what lines are going to kill it with your audience.

For extra credit, try filming your presentations whenever possible. This makes it much easier to reevaluate your material when you’re finished and pick apart what works and what doesn’t work.

Practice your material in small and safe ways and try to encourage honest feedback when you can. You’ll soon be ready to take your material to the big stage!

Pay attention to your delivery

You can hear the same exact joke told by two different people and have a completely different reaction to it.

Why? Because delivery matters. If someone says all the right words but doesn’t say it with the right tone or the right timing, a good joke can often turn into a bad joke.

Norm MacDonald is a master at this. Often his jokes are completely dry and sometimes even described as “anti-jokes” because they rarely follow a typical joke format. But the way he delivers his material is something that is solely unique to him and he makes it work for his personality (check out a video of his moth joke if you want to get a feel for his style of comedy).

The proper delivery is going to depend on how you present yourself, your material, and your individual personality, but it’s important to remember that your delivery will make a big difference in how well your material comes off to others.

With practice, you’ll discover the best way to deliver your stories. For example, once you know that a particular line is a strong one, you can heighten that line by taking an extra pause before you deliver it (to add suspense and tension before the final release).

You never want to take the punchlines of your story and breeze through them as if they are just another detail. By emphasizing those lines, you not only make them stronger but you also give a cue to your audience that this is the line where you expect a reaction. And they will be more likely to respond to it.

Of course it’s often difficult to monitor your delivery while you’re performing. This again is why it’s important to encourage feedback from others or to record your presentation so you can pay more attention to these subtle details later on.

Start strong and finish even stronger

Now that you have a bunch of good material to share, the next big question is how to organize it.

While Do You Talk Funny? has countless tips and advice on how to fine-tune your public speaking, one of the key pieces I want to focus on is to “start strong and finish even stronger.”

Psychology research shows that people are often programmed to remember the beginning and end of their experiences. The middle parts often become more of a blur.

For example, when psychologists ask individuals to remember a long list of words, they discover that participants are most likely to remember the words at the beginning and end of the list vs. words listed in the middle.

This is just one example of how our memories are biased toward the beginning and end of an experience.

With this in mind, a good public speaker wants to start their presentation strong to make a positive first impression and grip their audience’s attention. But they also want to end their presentation even stronger to leave a lasting impact and give their audience a positive note to remember them afterwards.

In the case of a comedian, David Nihill recommends that you use your second best joke at the very beginning and your best joke at the very end. By structuring your material this way, you are more likely to leave a stronger impression.

Once you’ve created your material and tested it, you should have a good idea of what are the strongest parts of your presentation, and that’ll give you a better idea of the order you should structure it.

Conclusion

I have a lot of respect for standup comedians – it’s something I would love to dabble in to improve my own communication and presentation skills.

When I came across the book Do You Talk Funny? 7 Comedy Habits to Become a Better (and Funnier) Public Speaker, I knew it would be right up my alley and I had to check it out. David Nihill does a really great job taking lessons from the world of standup comedy and showing you how to apply them to any type of public speaking. I highly recommend it!

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22:00:00 - By Vincent 0

Digital Detoxing - Social Media Age Necessity or Hollow Fad?

BY Paul O’Mahony

A very common complaint about modern society is that we're all a bit too connected.

 I mean sure, social media has enabled us to forge friendships without borders, set up businesses with no fixed office and gain unlimited access to infinite animal GIFs, but is a life spent staring at screens turning us all into the digital undead?

Some seem to think so, which is part of the reason why 'digital detox' camps have suddenly come into existence. What's digital detoxing? Glad you asked, it's essentially a retreat you go to where you completely relinquish your technological tethers, no computers, no phones,  no smartwatches, not even a solitary FitBit. 

It's an intriguing idea, if not a particularly revolutionary one, after all that's how weekend retreats used to work by default, back when none of this technology was as portable, or permanently hooked up to the grid. There are a few examples of this that are just retreats which give you the option of uncoupling yourself from the web, but many newer iterations do actually make it their main prerogative, such as Camp Grounded.

Camp Grounded has 4 sites: Mendocino in California, Cold Spring in upstate New York, Hendersonville in North Carolina and Marble Falls in Texas. All of them follow the same ethos - beautiful surroundings, activities that make adults feel like big kids and absolutely zero internet or digital access until you leave.

It's an intriguing idea, but is there any merit to it beyond a few days bumming around in forests and lakes? Seemingly there very much is. Evidence has suggested that people who take more time out from their digital proclivities forge better relationships, have improved mental health and are generally more productive. Like the Radiohead song, but without the deliberate irony. 

Many companies have actually adopted digital detoxing as a form of company vacation, which will sound familiar if you've ever seen The Thick of It. More and more, digital dependency is becoming a recognised condition among psychologists, and social media has a particularly active roll in it. The need to scroll through a news feed several times a day, watch a status update to see the likes trickle in, or even just wait to see when someone sees a message are all on the more severe end of the spectrum. 

The beauty of 'digital detoxing' is that it needn't be something you have to seek out. It's as simple as just taking some time away from screens, for a few hours, a day or a weekend, as long as people know they won't be able to get hold of you. You could even just turn all your push notifications off so that only calls and texts come through, cutting out anything that you can wait to look at until later. Give it a try some time, you might find yourself feeling very refreshed, and less square-eyed.

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16:30:00 - By Vincent 0

100 Things To Do Outside Your Comfort Zone

Face fear. Embrace risk. Your life, on your terms.

By Kendra

When was the last time you did something for the first time?

In 2013, my friend Ally and I committed to doing something new, something outside of our comfort zone or something that scared us everyday. (You can read more about that experience here).

The amount of response we got from this challenge was overwhelming. The number one thing we heard was, “I want to do that too but where should I start?” Ally and I put together this list to pass along to every person who asks us that. Most of these examples we thought of, but we also borrowed a few from the great brain of Google, and an awesome project similar to ours I stumbled on recently called the 52/52 project.

Bookmark this list, share it, tweet it, print it out and put it somewhere you’ll see it often.

I can tell you from a year of fear that crossing off items on this list will change your life, challenge you, and crank your awesome knob to 11.

Some are easy, some are obvious. Some are free, some require a few dollars. I wanted this list to be comprehensive with at least a few activities that anyone at any age, budget or location could partake in.

And please feel free to share with me any feedback from your experience via social networks or email (all my info is on the contact page). I would love to hear from you.

Have fun 
– Kendra & Ally

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The risks of breaking out of your comfort zone isn’t nearly as bad as the risks of staying in it your whole life.

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+ Take a new way home from work.

+ Have a midnight picnic.

+ Buy sidewalk chalk and leave positive messages in high traffic areas or your neighborhood.

+ Starbucks drive thru – pay for the coffee in the car behind you.

+ Approach someone who intimidates you and compliment them.

+ Slow dance on a rooftop (or somewhere epic).

+ Drive around, crank your favorite songs and have a dance off at stoplights to make strangers laugh.

+ Have a marshmallow eating contest with your best friend.

+ Go play Bingo. Get serious about it and talk some mad bingo smack.

+ Hug a stranger.

+ Go for a police ride along.

+ Rent a tandem bike with a friend.

+ Go to lunch by yourself.

+ Have a difficult conversation face to face instead of email/text/phone.

+ Buy coloring books, your favorite ice-cream, and invite the funniest person you know over.

+ Try a new coffee place in town or go somewhere new every time you go out to eat.

+ Take a new fitness class you’ve always wanted to try. Laugh at yourself when you suck.

+ Call your Mother just to tell her how much you love her.

+ Send someone flowers for no reason.

+ Go to a restaurant, order and eat dessert first.

+ Ask for a raise.

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If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try. – Seth Godin

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+ Write 5 thank you cards to your best friends and tell them why they mean so much to you. Send them old school via snail mail. #madfriendkarma

+ Have a dance off in front of your mirror.

+ Pull an all nighter when a fun opportunity arises instead of going home.

+ Go to a public pillow fight, or organize one with your friends.

+ Go to a thrift store with a $20 budget, dress your friend/significant other hilariously, and then go out to lunch in your new spunky outfits.

+ Hunt down a hilarious photo op.

+ Grab a pair of headphones and friend. Have a headphones dance off. Most ridiculous moves win.

+ Drive naked. *not responsible for any consequences or great stories that arise out of this 

+ Jump into a lake with your clothes on.

+ Lead your friend/significant other to a beautiful place blindfolded, bring picnic supplies.

+ Buy a bottle of bubbles, lay in the grass with a friend and blow bubbles while talking about your favorite childhood memories.

+ Lay on the 50 yard line of a football field at night and stargaze.

+ Go for a drive. When you get to an intersection, take turns deciding which way to go. GPS your way back home.

+ Go somewhere you shouldn’t be.

+ Night hike under the stars. Don’t forget the coco 

+ Go to your favorite book store, and leave notes in your favorites books for future readers.

+ Have an indoor camping night. Build a fort out of blankets and furniture. Cook s’mores in the microwave. Turn out all the lights in the house and only navigate with flashlights.

+ Dress to the nines. Go to a dealership, pretend to be married and drive swanky vehicles.

+ Walk around the city all night and find a place to eat breakfast at dawn.

+ Go to a restaurant, convince the cook to create something completely new for you.

+ Rent a movie you’ve never seen before. Mute it and improvise the dialogue.

+ Take a class you’ve always wanted to take.

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Don’t be afraid of your fears. They’re not there to scare you. They’re there to let you know that something is worth it. ― C. JoyBell C.

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+ Make a new recipe you’ve never tried before.

+ Email 5 of your closest friends, and ask them this. (Then return the favor)

•  If you had to deliver my eulogy and sum up what you would remember about me most in a few sentences, what would they be?
• What is your favorite memory of us?
• What advice do you think I need to know about life?

+ Get a Craniosacral massage. (That’s a head massage if you weren’t aware… I had to Google it too…thanks Ally!) 

+ Say no to something you don’t like to do but often do out of guilt.

+ Wake up early. Go for a walk at sunrise and cook yourself a huge breakfast. Just because.

+ Ask someone on a date who you think is out of your league.

+ Ride a bucking bull.

+ Two words: Naked Twister.

+ Buy a pack of sticky notes. Start anonymously leaving compliments around for friends, coworkers, lovers or strangers. (one of my favs!)

+ Eat a bug.

+ Go watch improv (or, if you’re a real badass, sign up for a class… most of the places offer the first for free)

+ Journal 20 Amazing Things You Bring To The World.

+ Fellas :: Grow a mustache, shave it hilariously & let it last for a day. Ladies :: paint your nails an outrageous color you wouldn’t be caught dead wearing. Keep it on for a day.

+ Eat somewhere out of your budget.

+ Attend a costume party, and go all out.

+ Date someone totally outside of your comfort zone.

+ Go zip lining.

+ Hire a photographer, and get head shots… just because.

+ Unplug from email, social media and your phone for 24 hrs.

+ Sing karaoke.

+ Make a fool of yourself on a dance floor in public.

+ Go all out on a bubble bath. Candles, music, and a dangerous amount of bubbles.

+ Take a day trip to somewhere you’ve always wanted to go.

+ Crash a wedding.

+ Make a free hugs sign, stand in a high traffic place and dish out some lovin’

+ Buy lunch for a homeless person, or better yet, take them out to lunch and hear their story.

+ Go spelunking. (Exploring caves)

+ Dining in the dark. Go somewhere that hosts an event or create your own for yourself/friends.

+ Go experience a gun range.

+ Train for a physical event.

+ Raise money for a charity.

+ Ditch your head and follow your heart for a decision.

+ Apply for jobs that intimidate you.

+ Stand up for yourself.

+ Ask for constructive criticism at work.

+ Try a new food (like a new fruit, or seaweed!)

+ Be vulnerable.

+ Invite a co-worker you don’t know well to lunch and get to know them better.

+ Be extra honest or playful with your partner in an intimate setting.

+ Do something spontaneous.

+ Act like a kid for a day – finger painting, coloring books, or going to the zoo.

+ Set up a tent and camp in your backyard.

+ Play hooky from work or school. Spend it doing something FUN or for yourself.

+ Dress up for no good reason, or wear something you normally wouldn’t.

+ Travel alone.

+ Ask someone on a date (brownie points if you’re a gal who does this)

+ Call an old friend it’s long overdue with // reconnect with someone from your past.

+ Give an HONEST opinion instead of a canned safe one.

+ Strike up a conversation with a stranger.

+ Spend a whole day answering the question, “How are you today?” with the response, “Outstanding! How are you?” (It’s more uncomfortable than you think).

+ Attend a Meetup group.

+ Go to a local shelter and walk the dogs

+ Bake some cookies for the old folks home.

+ Go for a ride on a motorcycle.

+ Pick your boyfriend up from the airport wearing a long jacket with nothing underneath 

+ Give online dating a chance.

+ When ordering a drink at a restaurant, tell the waiter to surprise you.

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10:00:00 - By Vincent 0