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woensdag 14 september 2016

What you always wanted to know about body language

By GREG CALLAGHAN

What’s the best handshake in the business environment?
One that builds rapport. If the person you’re meeting has quite a firm handshake, aim to match it; if it’s softer, reduce your grip.

firm handshake

This helps the other person feel you’re not trying to overpower them and shows them the relationship is equal. Be mindful of cultural variations, however. Even in Australia, country people tend to come in from a longer distance for a handshake than city people.

What are the five worst body gestures that could sink your chances in a job interview? (1) Either not enough or too much eye contact. Always match the interviewer’s level of eye contact.

eye contact

(2) Slouching, especially with your legs pointed towards the exit door. This projects disengagement and indifference. (3) Fidgeting or touching things. Shows you’re either bored or nervous. (4) Crotch display

Crotch display

or the foot-on-leg position.

foot-on-leg

Both signal a competitive nature, which can be interpreted as a negative. (5) Hands behind your head or arms folded.

Hands behind your head

The first reads as superior; the second as defensive. Sit with your hands on your lap: it’s a more humble approach.

How much of a person’s basic personality traits (for example, extrovert, introvert, anxiety-prone, laid-back etc) can you tell from their body language?
You can’t judge a personality from just one piece of body language. However, it’s generally true that extroverts tend to touch others more, lean outwards, thrive on external attention, and move quickly. Introverts tend to touch themselves, lean inward and have slower action/reaction times.

Studies show that men tend to project more powerful body language when they’re with other males. What strategies, then, should a woman take in a male-dominated work environment?
Have your desk facing the door from a corner of your office. Use good eye contact. Don’t look down or away, which suggest shyness and/or submissiveness. Match a man’s handshake. Feel free to take up more room when you’re in a meeting – don’t appear small. Don’t use words or body language that appears overly deferential. Lean forward when listening; stand straight while speaking. Dress appropriately.

Tell us about the giveaways when men and women are “into” one another.
There are obvious ones such as the face platter, in which a woman places her head on her hands.

her head on her hands

Proximity signals - placing a glass or handbag close to the male - also show a level of trust and acceptance. Her legs and feet will tend to point toward him. She may toss her head back and flick her hair

flick her hair

, or give a side glance with her head down and eyes up, Princess Diana style. She may try to fix something he is wearing – straightening his tie etc – or touch him a little more than is her custom. Rolling her hips when she’s walking away, or turning back and giving a smile over her shoulder are more obvious signs. The bloke? He’ll give longer-than-usual glances, lean forward, and may readjust his tie or shirt cuff. If he’s standing he’ll have his hands on his belt near the crutch to display maleness.

Studies have shown that men tend to over-read sexual interest from women. She might flick her hair and smile but all she’s doing is being sociable rather than flirting. How can he be sure?
Yes, playing with hair or flicking it back can also be a sign of nervousness in a woman. You need what we call the three Cs – clusters of signals (at least three or four positive signals), congruence (where her words match her body language) and context (the social environment you’re in at the time). Some men require at least three or four signals from a woman before it sinks in that she is interested…

So women are better at reading body language than men.
Yes, twice as good. Research from Harvard University suggests that when reading expressions and decoding situations, women were correct 87% of the time while men scored only 42%. Women are much better at reading emotion. This may be due to their having children: learning to read facial expressions and determine needs non-verbally.

A recent Dutch study found that waiters get much larger tips when they use the same words and speak in a similar tone to their customers. What can we learn from this?

Using the customer’s language - and their level of vocabulary - helps to build rapport, which is why it’s a part of so much sales training today. If a customer uses simpler words than you, adjust your speech so you at least sound on their wavelength. Never try to change their words, however. If someone says to you, “This seems to be an issue”, don’t ask them, “What seems to be the problem?” What you’ve done is turn an “issue” into a “problem”. Tone - the way we use our voice, as opposed to what we say - is also important, and represents up to 38% of total communication. Mirroring is so successful because people prefer to speak to like-minded people.

We know that people without much of a conscience - sociopaths and hardened criminals - are the best liars. Who else are good liars?
The hardest types to read are those who’ve been trained to communicate with body language – politicians, actors and businesspeople who are trained to project a certain persona or image. They can spend years learning to project body signals that don’t really reflect who they are inside. There’s a standard tactic to detect whether someone is lying, based on the “constructed” and “remembered” parts of the brain. I would ask someone what they did last week. Then I would ask them what they are doing next week and watch their eyes. They will access the remembered information with the first question; then they’ll access the constructed side with the second question. The third question would be the one in which I would seek the truth. The most basic telltale sign of lying is the so-called Pinocchio effect, where blood rushes to your nose and you touch it to counteract the effect. Covering your lips with your fingers and looking away can also betray dishonesty.

A new study from Columbia and Harvard universities shows that certain male postures not only make people feel more commanding, but remarkably, can double their testosterone levels.
The way we sit, stand or move changes the way we feel. The way we feel can affect our hormone levels. If you’re able to change your body language to match how you want the world to see you and you manage to stick with it, over time you will become the person you’re projecting - your internal world will reflect the outer. It has been shown over time that body language can even change the way we look, and our sexual attractiveness, whether it be a downward smile, or a more confident stride.

SOURCE

13:00:00 - By Vincent 0

dinsdag 6 september 2016

Active Listening, Master This Skill and Master Communication

By Nurse Jon's

Active listening is a communication style that allows a listener to confirm what they are hearing is what the speaker intended. It is listening with a purpose. It is listening and repeating back to the speaker what was said.

When people speak to us we often will be distracted, thinking of other things, or selectively listening. Often we will be formulating an answer to what we are going to say as someone else is speaking.

The human mind can comprehend up to 600 words per minute reading. We listen at a rate of 300 per words per minute. We only speak at 100-175 words per minute. Considering that 85% of what we learn is from listening and we listen faster than others can speak, there is a lot of room for our minds to go elsewhere.

By learning to live actively we can get the improve the ability to get information, better communicate, and understand what others are saying. The key to actively listening is in the repeating.

Repeat What Was Said

Actively listening involves focusing on the speaker, what is being said. Additionally consideration is given to the ideas and emotions behind the words used and what is really meant. Then the listener repeats in their own words what they understood the speaker said and meant.

If there is any misunderstanding it can be cleared up at this point. The speaker can add further dialogue to explain what they want conveyed.

Try this... if you want to learn to concentrate on what others are saying, try repeating what they say as they say it. At the least paraphrase what they are saying as they say it. This will help prevent selective listening. This will focus your attention and help you concentrate on what is being said.

There are several ways to practice this. Watching TV and the people speaking there allows a wide diversity of speakers. News commentators on the Radio. Finally, those you work with. To do this, repeat what they are saying quietly and mentally to your self.

Include Feelings

In addition to repeating what was said, the facts and ideas, the active listener can include the feelings noted from the speakers words.

Feelings can be discerned from both body language, tone and intonation. They can also be noted from the words used.

The feelings reveal the motivation of the speaker.

Active Benefit

SOURCE

13:30:00 - By Vincent 0

maandag 5 september 2016

Discourage Critical Feedback If You Want To Improve Faster

By Gavin Meikle

I’ve been training presentation and public speaking skills for more than ten years now and today I’d like to share one thing I learned which has had the biggest single impact on the results I get. If you are curious to know what it it, then read on.

I still remember the first bit of feedback I got when I stood up to give a talk. The giver, no doubt intending to be helpful told me that I had said “um” 42 times in my three minute talk. It’s all too easy to be critical but the question is, does giving critical feedback work? Does it have the desired effect of improving performance and changing behaviour? I’ve been a manager and a trainer for more than 20 years and I have learned the hard way that most critical feedback, no matter how well meant, has the opposite effect.

Why should this be? Well I’d like you first to follow the instructions in the following statement. Ll

What ever you do, – Do not think of a purple elephant! Under no circumstances should you think of a purple elephant!

So what happened? Of course you couldn’t do anything else but imagine a purple pachyderm. It’s the way or mind works, we cannot not think of something. Our attention inevitably goes to the thing that is unwanted or forbidden.

Now imagine you say to someone, “don’t keep saying um. You have a habit of saying it at the end of every sentence and you must stop saying um if you are to improve.” Immediately your attention is drawn to the very thing that you don’t want to do as an a result you do more of it! “Energy flows where attention goes”

Now imagine i said to you this instead. “I want you to concentrate on saying nothing at the end of every sentence. Put a pause in, as you think of the next thing you are going to say.” Now notice what you focus on.

But there is more to it than this. Critical feedback hurts!

When I started teaching presentation skills I used to give lots of “constructive” feedback which inevitably meant pointing out things that people were doing wrong. No matter how sensitively I gave this feedback, I could see the pain in the eyes of my students and despite their accepting nods, Is till saw the same unwanted behaviours repeated time after time.

And then I went to America for an NLP trainers workshop. During those long hard three weeks we would all be expected to give lots of presentations but a the beginning of the course, Robert Dilts our tutor introduced the concept of “Positive Feedback Only” He challenged us to focus on commenting solely on what we liked about the presenters delivery, structure or visual aids and other than that to phrase or suggestions for improvement in terms of “what presenter could do more of that would make his talk even better”.

Initially we were all sceptical about this approach but we quickly discovered that it has a hauge impact on the presenter and people improved far faster than using traditional critical feedback techniques.

When I got back from the States I incorporated this approach into my own one day workshops and the impact was huge! The degree of improvement I started seeing over a day was at least 25% greater than previously. So if you need some help with your presenting here are some suggestions to help you get the most change in the shortest possible time;

Tell your audiences to keep any negative feedback to themselves but that you will be delighted to receive any amount of positive feedback. My good friend Richard Wilkins does this at the start of every talk and it works a treat as well as getting a good laugh and lots of nods of agreement.
Encourage others to confine their feedback to two areas – What specifically did I do that you liked or that worked? What could I do more of that would make it even better.
If you are looking for a trainer or coach, ask them how they give feedback. If the tell you that they will spend any more than 5% of the time telling you what you are doing wrong – walk away!

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13:00:00 - By Vincent 0