NEVER-ENDING CONTRIBUTION, How to give even in times of scarcity

By Tony Robins

When you think of your life, do you think about what’s missing? Or do you think about what you have?

If you always think about what you don’t have, you will tend to hold on to everything that you do have, because you feel that you have so little and thus not much to give. But listen to Tony as he explains how giving in times of extreme discomfort, when you feel “lack” and not abundance, can be the most valuable.

13:34:00 - By Vincent 0

Here is a good video on how to approach conversation with a stranger. Some good solid advice. Very useful.

13:30:00 - By Vincent 0

When Kids Refuse to Go to School

By Debra Kissen

I have been seeing an increasing number of school refusal cases in my clinical practice. I have yet to read any studies that provide empirically based findings as to why this challenging set of behaviors is on the rise, but I do have a few (unsubstantiated) theories:

1. Children and adolescents have access to too many enjoyable activities when they stay home. When I was a child, if I were to stay home from school, I would be bored out of my mind. Unless I could have quickly caught up with the story line of “General Hospital,” there would be nothing to distract me from the long, drawn-out day, where I was lacking in social interactions. Today, the average home has TVs hooked up to cable, computers, iPads and smartphones galore and gaming systems, etc. Who would not want to stay home and “play” with their gadgets, in contrast to engaging in the challenging curriculum and unchartered social relations of an average day at school? I am always shocked when I hear how the children and adolescents who are too “emotionally ill” to go to school are allowed to be home, having access to technology. IF you are too sick to go to school, then you need to be engaging in a behavior that as closely as possible approximates the behaviors one would engage in at school. As long as your kid does not go to a school for programmers and gamers, chances are their school day does not entail being locked into technology. So they should not be allowed to do that if they are engaging in school refusal behaviors.

2. Parents fail to see the dangerous waters their child is entering when they engage in school refusal behaviors. When your child is little and screaming about not wanting to go to the doctor, what do you do? Do you negotiate? Do you wait until they are ready to obtain their annual checkup? Going to school is as mission-critical to survival as obtaining appropriate medical care. I always tell parents who meet with me that we need to treat school refusal as a psychiatric emergency. Children not showing up for school is equivalent to adults not showing up for work and not caring for their families’ needs.

3. It is unclear why the child is refusing to attend school. In treating school refusal, it is critical to first conduct a functional analysis to determine why a child is refusing to go to school. School refusal is not a diagnosis; it is a symptom of a disorder. Is a child refusing to go to school because he is being bullied? Is she refusing to go to school because she is having panic attacks in the cafeteria? Is he refusing to go to school because he fears he will not make straight A’s and his rigid, perfectionistic thinking is getting in his way? It is critical to figure out why a child is having a difficult time going to school in order to develop an effective treatment plan, to assist your child in reintegrating back into school.

It is also critical to have the support and the assistance of your child’s school. It can assist you in creating an appropriate action plan to get your child back to school. That plan may entail a school staff member temporarily coming over to escort your child to school in the mornings (nothing quite as effective at getting a kid up and out as a school security guard entering the home). The plan may also entail accommodations such as your child being able to take a break from class if he or she feels a panic attack coming on. There are many creative strategies to assist a child in more effectively managing distress and obtaining the tools and skills necessary to handle life’s challenging moments. What is most important is for children to learn that quitting, avoiding, or running away from problems is not a viable long-term solution. As we adults have all learned the hard way, it just leads to digging ourselves deeper into the pain and suffering.

If your child is struggling with school refusal or school anxiety, I recommend you contact a mental health professional trained in cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) or pharmacotherapies or both. You can search for a therapist in your area on the Anxiety and Depression Association of American (ADAA) website to help you with this challenging, but very important work.

12:30:00 - By Vincent 0

How Procrastination Hurts Your Confidence

by Emily Roberts MA, LPC

Could your Candy Crush addiction hurt your confidence? They may not seem related but putting off a dreaded task or pushing away emotions can make procrastination a problem. Perhaps you avoid that project until the last minute, or feel lazy instead of motivated at the thought of another monotonous task and reach for the remote. Avoiding the work breeds more self-loathing thoughts and makes room for negative self-talk to arise, which makes your confidence plummet. 

Dopamine is a very powerful neurotransmitter, it makes you motivated and crave pleasure, which is a key part of procrastination. If a task has a higher, historical likelihood (or perceived future likelihood) of producing dopamine, our brain becomes addicted to reproducing these activities, and avoiding the others. Turning on a show that makes you laugh, instead of talking to a frustrating spouse, can create a habit of avoiding the conversation, and harboring those emotions until they are too big to keep in.

You don’t always need a prescription for change. In fact, most doctors would tell you to try to change your behaviors before popping a pill to help with procrastination. Your brain chemistry can change when you engage in new habits, new thinking styles, which means you will feel happier, proud, and more motivated.

4 Ways to Stop Procrastinating and Feel Proud

1. Focus on what is working. We often focus on what sucks, what we need to improve on, or what isn’t working. Change it up. If you notice that you are complaining (in your mind or out loud) start to notice what is going well. This can be challenging but try it. Say you’re feeling down because your job isn’t making you happy. Focus on what is going well: the sweet co-workers or your short commute. When you practice reminding yourself about the good things it enhances your capacity to feel good too.
   
2. Create a reward system. Setting small goals, breaking up tasks and rewarding effort can help rewire the brain.  A 5-10 minute Facebook feed session after an hour of doing that dreaded task, can stimulate the reward center in your brain. Reward yourself with a positive complement or a bite of a sweet treat, even with a task that you are supposed to do, but just don’t feel like doing. This triggers your brain to begin to like the new task, and conditions your thoughts patterns to become more positive.
3. 
4. Get more positive feedback. Allow yourself to experience frequent positive feedback as you work towards goals. If someone gives you a compliment, sit with that feeling for a minute before moving on to the negative voice in your mind. If you meet a goal or get a good review, sit with the feeling of pride for a little while; go back to it if the dark cloud of doom and gloom surfaces. Just go back to the feeling. People who provide positive reinforcement can help you to push through the blocks that keep you stuck in your behaviors. A trainer, nutritionist, Alcoholic’s Anonymous sponsor, therapist or anyone can help push you along the way.
   
5. Embrace a new goal and take small steps towards it every day. That may be saving money or stopping the cigarettes. Putting a dollar away every day and watching the jar grow, creates incentive. Each step, even the smallest one, such as putting out the cigarette halfway through, is awesome and your brain remembers. Remind yourself of how well you are doing even if your not all the way there.

SOURCE

13:00:00 - By Vincent 0

How to Express Anger in a Healthy Way

By Lisa B. Marshall

Do you struggle with understanding or managing anger? Do you wonder how to communicate when you’re feeling angry?

A listener recently asked me to address implosive anger, also called repressed anger. There’s a funny movie that addresses this subject. It’s called Anger Management, with Jack Nicholson as a psychiatrist trying to help Adam Sandler's character realize he has a problem. He says to Adam,

“There are two kinds of angry people: explosive and implosive. Explosive is the kind of individual that you see screaming at the cashier for not taking their coupons. Implosive is the cashier, who remains quiet day after day, and finally shoots everyone in the store. You’re the cashier.”  (Hearing Jack Nicholson say those words is both funny and scary at the same time!)

Signs of Implosive Anger

Sometimes people who appear mild-mannered really are as calm as they seem and don’t get upset easily. But some people are actually getting upset, they just aren’t letting it show. The first sign of implosive anger is denial. 

Going back to the movie, after the doctor tells Adam he’s the cashier, Adam replies, “No, no, no. I’m the guy hiding in the frozen food section dialing 911. I swear.” Denial. These are the people who say, “I’m not angry, I’m just disappointed.” Or “I’m not angry, I’m just upset.” They can’t admit to themselves they’re feeling anger.

However, though they won’t admit something made them angry, they will withdraw from the person or situation, and then brood about the incident. “How rude he was! I can’t believe he said that to me. And in front of everyone! He humiliated me.” The angry person replays the event over and over. Maybe you’ve felt that way from time to time—I know I have. But when people have an anger problem, withdrawing and brooding go to an extreme.

Effects of Anger

According to an article in Psychology Today, anger is triggered by some sense of having been disempowered. Thus the purpose of anger is to eliminate a feeling of powerlessness. So anger wants to attack. Expressed anger attacks the other person in some way. But who does suppressed anger attack? It attacks you.

It’s well-known that negative stress causes a variety of illnesses. In fact, a study by UC Berkeley recently found that repressing anger leads to back pain and stiff muscles.

So, let it out, right? Well, maybe not. According to the same study, venting causes heart disease. What about a physical vent? Maybe punch something to get it out, or take a jog? Apparently, that doesn’t help, either. A study entitled Does Venting Anger Feed or Extinguish the Flame? indicated that because exercise keeps the heart rate and blood pressure elevated and doesn’t distract the angry person from thinking about it, the person’s anger remains high, and perhaps even higher.

So, what’s an angry person to do, then?

Managing Your Anger in a Healthy Way

Emotions help us manage our experiences. And since we sometimes have negative experiences, negative emotions serve a purpose in our lives and should not be denied or suppressed. But they need to be managed and communicated in a healthy way.

The first approach is to calm down. My advice about how to calm down before speaking in public is very useful here. In my episode, 5 Ways to Speak Up without Freaking Out, my guest and I discuss recognizing your feelings as normal, then learning to calm them through visualization and deep breathing.

The next method is to change the way you look at the situation. It’s often helpful to consider the other person’s perspective, or try to think of it as if you were a “fly on the wall”. How would a casual observer evaluate the situation? What if both sides gave their perspectives? My episode How to Handle Rude Questions discusses this a bit. Additionally, doing things incompatible with anger can make a huge difference. How can you be angry while watching a comedy or playing with kittens?

Communicating Effectively

If you’ve calmed down enough to look at the situation somewhat objectively, and you find you have a legitimate reason to be angry, it’s important to communicate it in a way that will improve and resolve the situation and your feelings, not perpetuate them.

I have discussed many times on this show the value of diplomatic speaking. In a nutshell, you need to think about what you will say, choose words carefully, and listen with an open mind. The following podcasts go into this in detail.

How to Have a Difficult Conversation

How to Handle Criticism

6 Constructive Ways to Give Negative Feedback

How to be More Diplomatic

You should also consider other people’s communication styles. You might be a quiet type, but someone else might be more dynamic or to-the-point. Neither communication style is bad, but the difference almost guarantees misunderstandings. Some of my best podcasts on this subject are:

How to Deal with People More Effectively

How to Deal with Difficult People

Communicate Better with Different Types of People

Does Your Communication Style Hold You Back?

Finally, remember that sometimes life is hard. Sometimes you just have to Choose to Be Happy. If you or someone you love continues to have issues with anger or sadness, please talk to a professional. But usually, putting into practice the suggestions in this podcast will help you balance anger so that it’s a rare occurrence.

SOURCE

13:00:00 - By Vincent 0

Why Leaving Your Comfort Zone Can be so Rewarding (Backed by Science)

BY Ashley Read

“Anything you to do to stretch yourself out of your comfort zone will ultimately enable you to take larger risks and grow.”

I’m sure we’ve all read plenty of quotes and articles about the importance of escaping your comfort zone, but what exactly is a comfort zone? What are the benefits of escaping from our comfort zone? And, how do you actually escape from it?

What is a comfort zone?

Your comfort zone is an artificial mental boundary, which gives you a sense of security and feelings of — well — comfort. Within this artificial comfort zone, everything is routine, familiar and safe.

Inside our comfort zone we rarely seem pushed, unlock our full potential or achieve what we’re capable of. Often, people will stay in a job or relationship just because of its familiarity, security and the fact that the unknown can seem extremely daunting. After all, why break a routine if it’s comfortable?

Though the comfort zone is an artificial boundary, there’s plenty of research and science to back its existence and effects on human performance.

Reaching Optimal Performance

Have you even been in a situation where the pressure has been on you? Maybe a presentation to your boss or a potential client; a first date with someone you really want to impress or an impending deadline you see as impossible?

I think we’ve all been in one of those situations (or similar) at some point in our lives. Just when you feel the last thing you need is a bit of anxiety or some last minute nerves, they kick in; you start to question yourself and fear the worst; What if I don’t finish this work in time? What if she doesn’t like me? It may feel like the end of the world is approaching, but actually, a little anxiety is a good thing.

Just outside of our comfort zone lays a space called “optimal anxiety,” it’s a sweet spot of human performance and place where we’re motivated to succeed. Similar to an athlete who has just prepared and warmed up for a big game, optimal anxiety is the space where we are ready to perform at our best.

Yerkes Dodson Law Graph

The theory that anxiety can aid performance is not something new, the idea goes back to at least 1908 when Robert Yerkes and John Dodson released a study showing that arousal (anxiety) increased performance. The study also shows that only certain levels of arousal are good for performance, too much has the opposite effect and is detrimental to performance. Therefore, pushing ourselves too hard, too often can also create a notion that challenging ourselves is a negative thing and re-enforce our desire to stay within our comfort zone.

Why Leave Your Comfort Zone?

Your comfort zone isn’t a bad thing; it’s far from it. We all need a space where we can relax, feel at ease and comfortable. So why should we push ourselves outside of our comfort zone from time to time?

You can achieve more than your wildest dreams:

Sometimes a dream can seem a step too far and unachievable. Often this will put us off chasing the dream and we’ll settle for the mediocre (or what is achievable within our comfort zone).

As illustrated by this inforgraphic from Marcus Taylor, as we push ourselves outside of our comfort zone into optimal anxiety and our ‘growth zone’ challenges will become easier and our comfort zone expands.

Ben Tremblay / Growing the Comfort Zone

Eventually, things that previously scared us will become part of our growth zone, then move into our comfort zone, thus helping us achieve more than we previously thought possible.

You’ll lead a more fulfilled life

Comfort can lead to laziness, and as we’ve already touched on stepping outside of our comfort zone can lead to heightened activity and optimal performance.

Comfort may feel good in the short term, but as Ran Zilca, explains on Psychology Today, sacrificing productivity for comfort may lead to regrets in the long run.

“We live in a society where comfort has become a value and a life goal. But comfort reduces our motivation for introducing important transformations in our lives. Sadly, being comfortable often prohibits us from chasing our dreams. Many of us are like lions in the zoo: well-fed but sit around passively stuck in a reactive rut. Comfort equals boring shortsightedness, and a belief that things cannot change. Your comfort zone is your home base, a safe place not to stay in, but to return to, after each exhausting and exhilarating expedition through the wilderness of life. Take a look at your life today, if you are enjoying a shelter of comfort, break through it and go outside where life awaits.”

You’ll deal with change better

Sometimes we’re forced to leave our comfort without any choice. The more you push yourself to do things you wouldn’t normally do and experienced uncertainty in a controlled manner, the better you’ll be able to deal with un-expected situations as they arise.

You’ll be more creative

Pushing our boundaries, new experiences and learning new skills are great ways to inspire and educate ourselves. With new experiences and leanings behind us we can start to look at old problems in new ways and come up with new creative solutions.

How to step outside of your comfort zone

Whatever goal you’re trying to achieve there’s no doubt at some stage you’ll have to make a move that feels uncomfortable and step out of your comfort zone at some point. There are plenty of ways to step outside of your comfort zone and extend your boundaries. Here are some ways you can do so, and help yourself become more productive and escape whatever has been holding you back:

Change your daily routine

Most of us have a set daily routine, by making small changes to this we can push ourselves to step outside of our comfort zone. You don’t have to make huge changes; small subtle differences in your day-to-day routine can be enough to change your perspective.

If you run everyday, you could push yourself to go an extra mile tomorrow. If you get a coffee every morning before work, why not try a new flavour or get a fresh fruit juice instead.

Think big, but take small steps

Maybe you want to start your own business or quit your day job to pursue your passions. These may seem like unattainable goals, you may fear making a bold move, but if approached in small steps you can slowly push the boundaries of what you feel is possible.

As Lewis Howes explains in this Forbes article, “If your goal is to “start a business” — change it to “interview one business owner.”” By taking an initial step outside your comfort zone will help you move towards your greater goal.

Look forward to the outcome, whatever happens

Fear of failure can be a big reason we stay within our comfort zones. If you want to achieve something go for it, if you dream of climbing a mountain, then give it a try. As Noah Kagan explains in his interview with Internet Marketing Party, “Roughly 86% of what we do fails. But eventually the 14% works, and that’s what everyone else sees.”

Leaving your comfort zone isn’t about getting something right first time, it’s about extending your horizons and allowing yourself to grow — no matter what the iniatial results may be.

Try new things

Over at Physcology Today, Alex Lickerman explains, “New things or a new way of thinking is often frightening. But if you think about it, most of the things we fear don’t actually come to pass. What’s more, we’re often unable to anticipate the good things that do occur as a result of our trying something new.”

Try new things can be as simple as new foods or bigger things like travelling to new places, taking a new class or learning a new language.

What have you done that’s taken you outside of your comfort zone?

SOURCE

14:59:00 - By Vincent 0

Exposing Fear Of Change

By Mark Connelly

Fear of change is subtle. It operates under the radar convincing you that it's there to protect you and keep you safe.

In reality, fear of change is one of the most common reasons for resistance to change because it stops you taking any action at all.

Earlier this year I met with a client who was losing her job after working in the same business (a bank) for 30 years. She was terrified by the prospect of being forced to think beyond what she had known for 30 years. It made it hard for her to think clearly.


A coaching client has many brilliant ideas for his future but is frustrated because he can't get started with any of his plans.

In both of these cases fear of change holds them back.

It cannot be seen and convinces people to strongly deny that it's there at all.

Fear of change works hard to convince you that change is bad for you. I often hear its attempts to convince people that they will not cope with change.

This page is an attempt to expose fear of change and give you insight into how it may work in your life, or in the lives of people or groups at work.

In most cases it is the reason for any resistance to change you experience.

Effects of Fear of Change

In most cases fear of change stops us from taking action. It often works with anxiety, self-doubt and guilt to help it to do this.

Anxiety: Some stress can be good because it gets us to do something. But there are times when feeling anxious about something new can really limit us.

This often happens if we are not certain about the future.

High levels of anxiety are often brought about by:

• rumors about change,
• self doubt,
• not knowing what to expect,
• not feeling our concerns are heard

     ...and this can be crippling.

When you notice and address these issues people feel less anxious.

Often a good reality check can be very helpful too. Take time to find out if the rumors you've heard are true as this can make you feel less anxious as well.

Anxiety and Fear of Change work together

Feeling anxious can stop us trying something new and makes us resist change by stirring up fears of what is not known.

In such cases we'll choose to stick with what we know rather than face an uncertain future.

There are a number of common fears that can be mistaken for resistance to change. Be aware of them and deal with the actual fear rather than calling all fears 'resistance'.

Here are some examples of fears that look like resistance:

Fear of the unknown

Not knowing what to expect occurs when we don't have enough information about the change and we're expected to take a 'leap of faith'. This can result in a lot of anxious feelings.

Fear of failure

This fear works closely with the need for perfection and makes us worry about not getting things right. It makes sense that the best way to avoid the pain of failing is not to do anything at all.

Yet failure is the only way to succeed.

Think of the number of failed light bulb's before Edison found the one that worked. Successful people often have a list of failed attempts behind them. It's the way we learn.

John Maxwell calls it 'Failing Forward: Turning Mistakes into Stepping Stones for Success'. If you worry about failure this book might help you think differently about trying something new.

Fear of success

Marianne Williamson has written that "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?"

It's as if we don't believe we deserve success.

Concern about success can lead to feeling anxious. We have beliefs about what successful people are like and we fear that we might become like them if we are successful. We believe that we might lose friends or exploit others, for example.

To reduce this fear of change we need to know our values and remain true to them.

Fear of loss

Loss is often a part of change. Change can mean that we lose friends, our salary, or even our parking space! Other losses are not as obvious such as the the loss of known routines or the things that define who we are (like a job title, or a position).

Fear of upsetting others

Life coaches are taught to explore the impact of change on other people close to their client. This is because change can have a ripple effect on others.

Of course, the change can be positive. But the fear of upsetting others can really limit what we do. I've known clients who have refused promotions rather than deal with ill feelings from others.

Fear of leaving a comfort zone

Like it or not we are creatures of habit. We like our routines and don't like to be faced with the unknown.

Comfort zones may be safe but we can't grow or experience anything new, as one of the characters in 'Who Moved My Cheese?' discovered (I love the lessons about change in this book and tell everyone about it).

Self-doubt

Self-doubt expresses itself in phrases like "I'm...not good enough", "...not clever enough", "...not qualified enough", or "I'm stupid".

Not only do we start believing this about ourselves but we fear that others might see this too. Resisting change helps us to avoid dealing with self doubt.

Putting ourselves down in this way stems from a lack of confidence and a fear of change that stops us taking any action. It literally stops us getting ahead in life.

Building self-esteem and self-confidence can counter the effects of anxiety and get rid of fear of change.

Guilt

People that put others' needs ahead of their own are likely to feel guilt if they feel the change they need to make will affect others.

You'll hear guilt in action in the words people use. They use the words "should", "must", and "have to" often. So they'll say, "I really should do xyz", or "I have to attend the meeting". Maybe you do this?

There's a lovely story Stephen Covey tells in his 7 Habits CD set about a student excusing himself from a lecture. When Covey asked why he couldn't attend the lecture the student answered "it's because I have toattend tennis practice" (or some similar reason).

Stephen Covey asked him what would happen if he didn't go to tennis practice and the student said he'd be dropped from the team. "So youchoose to go to tennis training rather than attend my lecture", observed Covey.

Stephen Covey makes the point that we need to be aware of our language, and change our "I have to's" into "I choose to", or our "I should's" into "Iwant to" or "I would like to...". 

Focus on the individual

The fear of change can be one of the biggest barriers to change at work or in your personal life.

While a force field analysis can assess the broader situation the time spent really understanding people's reactions allows you to intervene where they are at.

Encouraging the involvement of employees early in the change process and allowing them to be part of the process also leads to lower levels of resistance to change and higher acceptance and engagement in the change.

As successful change management is defined by the ability of people to move towards, and accept, the vision for change it is essential to support the process by focusing on the individual.

Resistance to change is normal. When you are aware of someone's fear of change your change management planning can support them to make the change.

SOURCE

14:11:00 - By Vincent 0

Discomfort Zone: How to Master the Universe

BY LEO BABAUTA

‘The only thing I can’t stand is discomfort.’ ~Gloria Steinem

Of all the skills I’ve learned in the past 7 years of changing my life, one skill stands out:

Learning to be comfortable with discomfort.

If you learn this skill, you can master pretty much anything. You can beat procrastination, start exercising, make your diet healthier, learn a new language, make it through challenges and physically grueling events, explore new things, speak on a stage, let go of all that you know, and become a minimalist. And that’s just the start.

Unfortunately, most people avoid discomfort. I mean, they really avoid it — at the first sign of discomfort, they’ll run as fast as possible in the other direction. This is perhaps the biggest limiting factor for most people, and it’s why you can’t change your habits.

Think about this: many people don’t eat vegetables because they don’t like the taste. We’re not talking about soul-wrenching pain here, not Guantanamo torture, but a taste that’s just not something you’re used to. And so they eat what they already like, which is sweets and fried stuff and meats and cheeses and salty things and lots of processed flour.

The simple act of learning to get used to something that tastes different — not really that hard in the grand scheme of life — makes people unhealthy, often overweight.

I know, because this was me for so many years. I became fat and sedentary and a smoker and deeply in debt with lots of clutter and procrastination, because I didn’t like things that were uncomfortable. And so I created a life that was deeply uncomfortable as a result.

The beautiful thing is: I learned that a little discomfort isn’t a bad thing. In fact, it can be something you enjoy, with a little training. When I learned this, I was able to change everything, and am still pretty good at changing because of this one skill.

Master your fear of discomfort, and you can master the universe.

Avoidance of Discomfort

When people are stressed, they often turn to cigarettes, food, shopping, alcohol, drugs … anything to get rid of the disomfort of the thing that’s stressing them out. And yet, if you take a deeper look at the stress, it’s really an unfounded fear that’s causing it (usually the fear that we’re not good enough), and if we examined it and gave it some light of day, it would start to go away.

When people start to exercise after being sedentary, they are uncomfortable. It’s hard! It can make you sore. It’s not as easy as not exercising. It’s not something you’re used to doing, and you fear doing it wrong or looking stupid. And so you stop after awhile, because it’s uncomfortable, when really it’s not horrible to be uncomfortable for a little while. We’re not talking about incredible pain, but just discomfort.

When people try a healthier diet, they often don’t like it — eating veggies and raw nuts and flaxseeds and fruits and tofu or tempeh or black beans isn’t as thrilling as eating fried, fatty, salty or sweet foods. It’s a form of discomfort to change your taste buds, but the truth is, it can easily happen if you just get through a little discomfort.

Discomfort isn’t bad. It’s just not what we’re used to. And so we avoid it, but at the cost of not being able to change things, not being healthy, not being open to adventure and the chaos of raw life.

Mastering Discomfort

The way to master discomfort is to do it comfortably. That might sound contradictory, but it’s not. If you are afraid of discomfort, and you try to beat discomfort with a really gruelling activity, you will probably give up and fail, and go back to comfort.

So do it in small doses.

1. Pick something that’s not hard. Take meditation as an example. It’s not really that hard — you just sit down and pay attention to your body and breath, in the present moment. You don’t have to empty your mind (just notice your thoughts), you don’t have to chant anything weird, you just sit and pay attention. If you don’t like meditation, try a new healthy food, like kale or raw almonds or quinoa. Or a fairly easy exercise if you’re sedentary, like walking or jogging.
2. Just do a little. You don’t have to start by doing 30 minutes of something you’re not used to doing. Just do a few minutes. Just start.
3. Push out of your comfort zone, a little. My friend and Zen priest Susan O’Connell has a favorite meditation instruction that you can use for any activity actually: when you’re meditating and you feel like getting up, don’t; then when you feel the urge to get up a second time, don’t; and when you feel the urge to get up a third time, then get up. So you sit through the urge, the discomfort, twice before finally giving in the third time. This is a nice balance, so that you’re pushing your comfort zone a little. You can do this in exercise and many other activities — push a little.
4. Watch the discomfort. Watch yourself as you get a bit uncomfortable — are you starting to complain (internally)? Are you looking for ways to avoid it? Where do you turn to? What happens if you stay with it, and don’t do anything?
5. Smile. This is not trivial advice. If you can smile while being uncomfortable, you can learn to be happy with discomfort, with practice. When I did the Goruck Challenge in 2011, it was 13 hours of discomfort — raw and bloody knees, sand in my shoes as a hiked and ran with 60+ pounds on my back, carrying teammates and logs, doing pushups and crabwalks and other exercises, needing the bathroom and being tired and hungry and cold. And yet, I practiced something simple: I tried to mantain a smile through all this discomfort. It’s an important practice.

Repeat this practice daily. It will be strange, perhaps difficult, at first, but soon your comfort zone will expand. If you practice it enough, with different activities, your comfort zone will expand to include discomfort. And then you can master the universe.

What You Can Now Master

If you master discomfort, what can you now master as a result? Just about anything:

1. Procrastination. We procrastinate to avoid something that’s not comfortable, but if you can learn to stay with that task, even if it’s not comfortable. The discomfort isn’t bad. Those of you going through theProcrastination module in my Sea Change Program are learning about dealing with the discomfort of staying with your important task.
2. Exercise. We avoid exercise because it’s not comfortable, but if we expand the comfort zone a little at a time, we can make exercise something we’re comfortable with, after a little repetition.
3. Writing. If you want to write but always seem to put it off, that’s because writing is often difficult, or less comfortable than checking email or social networks (for example). Stay with the discomfort, and you’ll write more than ever.
4. Eating healthy. It’s amazing how much our taste buds can change over time, if we gradually get used to healthier foods. That means going through small periods of discomfort, but it’s not that bad in little doses.
5. Meditation. We avoid the disomfort of sitting and doing nothing, of focusing on the present. But it’s not that hard — just a little uncomfortable.
6. Waking early. Waking early means being a little tired for a little while, but that’s not a horrible thing. Read more about rising early.
   
7. Learning a language/instrument. Want to learn something new? That means doing something you’re not used to, by definition, and so we often quit before we master this new skill, simply because (you guessed it) it makes us uncomfortable. Stay with the discomfort, and before long you’ll enjoy learning this new skill.
8. Clutter. Clutter is just another form of procrastination. You don’t put things away, or you let a pile of things you don’t need build up, because it’s not comfortable dealing with it right now (as compared to, say, browsing the Internet or watching TV). But dealing with something right now isn’t that hard once you get past the discomfort.
9. Reading novels. We tend to avoid simply sitting with a book, because we are pulled towards something more comfortable (again, Internet browsing as an example). If we can just sit with the book and a little discomfort, we can read more.
10. Empty email inbox. Another form of procrastination — you get some emails, maybe look at them, but put off dealing with them right now because it’s easier not to.
11. Debt. This is a series of things we have to deal with that are uncomfortable — listing out our debts and bills, making a simple budget, doing things that are free instead of shopping, etc. But I got out of debt by finally facing all of these things, and it was wonderful.
12. New adventures. Many people stay with places they’re comfortable with, which means missing out on new experiences that might be a little uncomfortable. Even when they travel, many people stick with the tourist sights and food that they’re used to, rather than finding strange but more authentic experiences in a new land. We avoid meeting new people, speaking on stage, letting go of what we know, being open to new things … to avoid discomfort.
    

And that’s just the start. Within each of these areas there’s many things you can work on over the coming years now that you’re not afraid of discomfort, and there are many other areas of exploration now open to you.

Discomfort can be the joyful key that opens up everything for you.

‘Discomfort is very much part of my master plan.’ ~Jonathan Lethem

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11:21:00 - By Vincent 0