Do You Try to Make Changes in Your Daily Life but Fail?

by Remez Sasson

Do you promise yourself to make changes in your day-to-day life but do nothing about it, and don’t even try?

Do you try to make changes, but fail?

Do you quit, the moment you confront obstacles?

These experiences are quite common, and they often create feelings of frustration, and sometimes, even anger. Why does this happen, and what you can you do about it?

We are all busy all the time with work, studies, children, family matters, and various tasks and obligations. These activities take a lot of our time and energy, and often, because we are so busy, we forget our promises and plans. We promise ourselves to make changes in our lives, but our obligations and daily activities do not leave time for them.

You need to ask yourself, whether all your daily tasks and obligations are important. You need to ask yourself, which obligations and activities you can dispense with, which ones you can do differently, so that can save time and energy for other matters.

Do you, sometimes, feel as if you are on a merry-go-around, and cannot get down? Do you do everything the same way every day, going through the same daily routine from the moment you wake up to the moment you fall asleep?

You need to get off this merry-go-around, and starting living your life. This might seem impossible, but you can do so by taking small steps.

Start doing one small thing differently, for example:

• Get up ten minutes earlier in the morning.
• If you usually skip breakfast, find the time to eat in the morning.
• Show more interest in the people who work with you.
• If you want to read a certain book, and never have the time, start by reading just 3-4 pages a day.
• Do you often promise yourself to clean and rearrange your drawers but never have the time for this? Now is the right time. Clean and rearrange the contents of just one drawer.
• Do you often think of taking on the phone with a friend, with whom you have not spoken for a long time? Just pick the phone now, and call him or her, before you start looking for excuses why not to do so right now.

To make changes, you have to take action. Otherwise, you will never make the changes you want. As you see from the examples, you do not need to take big steps. Small steps are enough, because they are easier, and hardly evoke any inner resistance. When you succeed with small matters, you gain the confidence and motivation to do bigger things.

There is something important that you should know. Often when we start something new, or when we want to make some changes in our life, we often encounter various obstacles. These obstacles are not necessarily new. They have been there all the time, but we were not aware of them. Now, that we want to make changes in our life, we are more than ever aware of them, and we might believe that are there just to annoy us and stand in our way, which is not true.

Another obstacle we might encounter is other people’s opposition and disapproval. People do not like changes, and they therefore, instinctively oppose and disapprove change. For this reason, it is advisable not to talk about the changes we are making in our life. This can save us a lot of confrontations and opposition.

What can you do to follow through with your decision to make changes in your life?

As I said earlier, start with just one simple, small project. This will pose less inner and outer resistance, and would be easier to follow through. Then, proceed to another one that requires more effort or change. Gradually, you will have more inner strength, confidence and motivation, and experience less inner and resistance from other people.

To make it easier, a little stronger willpower and self-discipline would be most helpful. You can find information and a few simple exercises to develop these skills in my article, Willpower and Self-Discipline Guidance and Exercises.

If you need a little more motivation, the following articles might help:
10 Motivational Tips to Inspire You to Become Successful
What Is Motivation and How to Strengthen It

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12:23:00 - By Vincent 0

Working Out, Success, and the Habit of Self-Discipline

by Remez Sasson

Yesterday, my daughter had to go to work earlier than usual, and since the gym where I work out is not far from her office, I decided to take her to work and then go to the gym.

At quite an earlier hour, the gym was already full with men and women of all ages, working out and exercising. I usually do not go to the gym at this early hour, and was surprised to see so many people. It seems that many go the gym to exercise before going to work. Some go the gym to lose weight, others to shape their body, and quite a great number like to pump iron and build their muscles.

I know how tough it is for most people to start exercising. Most people know it is healthy and good for their body, but they are too lazy to go to the gym, especially in the morning. They prefer to spend an extra hour in bed before starting their day. In the afternoon, they are too tired after work, and prefer to stay at home or go out to meet friends.

You need a good dose of self-discipline to go to the gym and to continue going, despite laziness and the inclination to procrastinate.

It is the same in all areas of life. It is the same when you need to run a task, carry out a decision or achieve a dream. There are laziness, procrastination and many excuses why it is not the right time.

Doing things requires effort, and often, we want to avoid this effort, even when we know that we would gain much by doing what we are trying to avoid.

Working Out and Discipline

Returning to the topic of the gym, when you first start working out, it is too difficult, and you might look for excuses not to work out. However, if you insist on going to the gym and exercising, after a while, you would start to like it. This usually happens after gaining results, when you see that you are losing weight, your body getting into a better shape, and you feel stronger and more energetic. This often awakens a strong motivation to continue.

When you look around you at the gym, you see people with shaped bodies and muscles. They did not get them by sitting on the couch watching TV. They got them because they had the self-discipline to go to the gym almost every day and workout.

Applying self-discipline to working out develops the habit of discipline, a habit that you would be able to use in all other areas of life.

The Habit of Discipline is a Requirement for Success

It is the same in every other area of life, when study a foreign language, develop a new skill or a new habit, and when you focus on achieving your dreams. It is tough at first, and you might not have enough motivation. However, with a little bit of self-discipline and perseverance you can overcome all obstacles. When you start to see results, everything becomes easier, because you your motivation and desire begin to grow.

Every achievement, small or big, needs self-discipline and the ability to continue, despite obstacles, failure or difficulties. Achieving success requires that you leave your comfort zone, laziness, and the tendency to procrastinate. This requires some inner strength, which you can develop, even if you lack it now.

Successful men and women possess the habit of discipline. Without this habit, you will not be able to control your behavior, avoid temptations and focus on a task until you complete it.

Every achievement requires long, sustained periods of focused effort on your goal. You need determination to persevere until you complete it.

As you see, you need a certain degree of self-discipline to get started. Fortunately, self-discipline is not difficult to develop. I have written many articles about this topic, and also a book with advice, instruction and simple, but effective exercises.

“Do the thing you fear to do and keep on doing it… that is the quickest and surest way ever yet discovered to conquer fear.” – Dale Carnegie

You can easily develop the habit of self-discipline by practicing suitable exercises. You can find a few simple ones, to begin with, here. However, if you want to gain more power, and therefore, have more control of your life and habits, increase your chances of success, and live your life as you want, I recommend that you read the book Strengthen Your Willpower and Self Discipline.

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12:30:00 - By Vincent 0

YOU’RE OKAY

BY Mark Manson

“Relax. You’re okay.”

I find myself wanting to write this at least five times a day in reply to reader emails.

I rarely do — or if I do, I’m sure to add some explanation or a few useful ideas.

But the point remains: what a lot of people now identify as “major life problems” are really the natural ebbs and flows of life. Sometimes you’re up and sometimes you’re down, and for some reason, we seem to have forgotten that that’s OK.

THE CONUNDRUM

Let’s say you have low self-esteem and a general self-loathing about yourself. You believe everything you do sucks and that you’re more or less screwed in life. Wanting to stop believing such things only serves as more evidence of how screwed up you are. After all, if you weren’t such a fuck up, you wouldn’t have to spend all day wishing you didn’t feel like a fuck up, would you?

It’s a Catch 22. In external aspects of one’s identity, desire is useful. Want to run faster? Set a goal, then go out and achieve it. Want to start a business? There are measurable benchmarks you can reach, you just have to want it enough.

But want to stop being anxious and stop procrastinating on those goals? Well, then wanting to stop being anxious about them is likely to just make you more anxious.

THE CHALLENGE OF SELF-ACCEPTANCE

Self-acceptance is the way out of the conundrum, but it’s counter-intuitive. Paradoxically, accepting that you’re just not a confident person and you’re always going to feel a little off around other people will begin to make you feel more comfortable and less anxious around others. You won’t judge yourself and you’ll then feel less judged by them as well.

Accepting that you have a tendency to get depressed and that some people are just happier than you and that’s fine will, ironically, make you a happier and more accepting person. After all, some of the most important people in history were depressives.

Many of us are inundated with so much information at all hours of the day that it’s easy to get a skewed vision of society. Everyone else is fit. Everyone else is happy. Everyoneelse is successful. Everyone else is getting dates and having sex. But for some reason,you’re not.

What sells TV time and what gets passed around the internet are the exceptional situations, the easy solutions, the magic pills for perfection. It’s human nature to always look for perfection or for something greater and better than ourselves. But when you’re presented with something greater and better than yourself over and over and over again, all hours of the day, all days of the week, it’s easy to internalize that there’s something wrong with you. Ironically, the self-help industry is a culprit here as well: you can eliminate all sadness and fear; you can be popular and loved by everyone; anyone can get rich and be successful and retire to a beach at age 35!

It’s just not true.

We’re all flawed creatures. And that’s OK.

I’ve come to accept that meeting new people is always going to take conscious effort for me. I’ve improved drastically in conquering my social anxiety over the years, but I’m just never going to be that naturally gregarious type who can talk to everyone in a room without thinking about it. That’s just not me.

I’ve accepted that even though my relationship with my family has improved a lot in the past 10 years, it’s never going to be great. And that’s fine.

I’ve learned that commitment — romantic or otherwise — will always make me a little bit uncomfortable. I’ve worked hard and overcome a lot of my irrational fears surrounding it, but I’m just never going to feel completely at ease with it. And that’s OK too.

I’m OK.

I get a lot of emails from readers. And a lot of them, particularly the younger people, lament problems that are so completely normal and healthy that I sometimes don’t even know what to say to them.

Most people get depressed at some point in their lives. Most people get dumped at some point and struggle getting over their ex. Most people feel insecure about their sexuality at some point. Everyone has family problems. Many people grow up in abusive situations. Tons of people have low self-esteem and dependency issues. Almost everybody wishes they were more successful and more motivated.

These things suck but they’re not new. And they’re definitely not unique.

Don’t get me wrong, this is not an excuse to do nothing about your problems. It just means that you should stop trying to be perfect. You never will be. Emotional issues never completely go away.

There’s an old Buddhist adage: “You are already perfect as you are, yet you can always be better.”

Perfection is not some endpoint you achieve, but rather the process of improvement itself. No matter how much you improve yourself and your life, there will always be room for more growth and less suffering. There’s no final goal. The perfect self we all envision does not actually exist. As Gertrude Stein said, “There’s no there there.” It never ends. What changes is your acceptance of your place in the process.

“I suck at this, but that’s OK. As long as I’m working on it, it’s OK.”

Perfection is the process of improvement itself. Perfection is the innate drive for endless expansion, growth and completion. We’re already there and we’ve always been there. We’re okay. We can be better. But we’re okay.

12:30:00 - By Vincent 0

9 Mind Hacks for Avoiding Procrastination

By YUMI SAKUGAWA

Are you dreading a big, tedious task on your to-do list? Commit to only doing 10 minutes of it or only the very first minimal step. By lowering the hurdle for getting the task started, it is very likely that once you start doing it, you won't feel so bad about getting the rest of the task completed.

Another mind hack to avoid procrastination is to project how you will feel in the future when you complete the task, and compare it to how bad you will feel if you don't complete it. You can also scare yourself into getting the task done by projecting what you would be losing in your life (income, your job, your self-respect, etc.) by not getting it done.

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12:30:00 - By Vincent 0

An excellent visual way to procrastination. What do you think?

12:30:00 - By Vincent 0

How Procrastination Hurts Your Confidence

by Emily Roberts MA, LPC

Could your Candy Crush addiction hurt your confidence? They may not seem related but putting off a dreaded task or pushing away emotions can make procrastination a problem. Perhaps you avoid that project until the last minute, or feel lazy instead of motivated at the thought of another monotonous task and reach for the remote. Avoiding the work breeds more self-loathing thoughts and makes room for negative self-talk to arise, which makes your confidence plummet. 

Dopamine is a very powerful neurotransmitter, it makes you motivated and crave pleasure, which is a key part of procrastination. If a task has a higher, historical likelihood (or perceived future likelihood) of producing dopamine, our brain becomes addicted to reproducing these activities, and avoiding the others. Turning on a show that makes you laugh, instead of talking to a frustrating spouse, can create a habit of avoiding the conversation, and harboring those emotions until they are too big to keep in.

You don’t always need a prescription for change. In fact, most doctors would tell you to try to change your behaviors before popping a pill to help with procrastination. Your brain chemistry can change when you engage in new habits, new thinking styles, which means you will feel happier, proud, and more motivated.

4 Ways to Stop Procrastinating and Feel Proud

1. Focus on what is working. We often focus on what sucks, what we need to improve on, or what isn’t working. Change it up. If you notice that you are complaining (in your mind or out loud) start to notice what is going well. This can be challenging but try it. Say you’re feeling down because your job isn’t making you happy. Focus on what is going well: the sweet co-workers or your short commute. When you practice reminding yourself about the good things it enhances your capacity to feel good too.
   
2. Create a reward system. Setting small goals, breaking up tasks and rewarding effort can help rewire the brain.  A 5-10 minute Facebook feed session after an hour of doing that dreaded task, can stimulate the reward center in your brain. Reward yourself with a positive complement or a bite of a sweet treat, even with a task that you are supposed to do, but just don’t feel like doing. This triggers your brain to begin to like the new task, and conditions your thoughts patterns to become more positive.
3. 
4. Get more positive feedback. Allow yourself to experience frequent positive feedback as you work towards goals. If someone gives you a compliment, sit with that feeling for a minute before moving on to the negative voice in your mind. If you meet a goal or get a good review, sit with the feeling of pride for a little while; go back to it if the dark cloud of doom and gloom surfaces. Just go back to the feeling. People who provide positive reinforcement can help you to push through the blocks that keep you stuck in your behaviors. A trainer, nutritionist, Alcoholic’s Anonymous sponsor, therapist or anyone can help push you along the way.
   
5. Embrace a new goal and take small steps towards it every day. That may be saving money or stopping the cigarettes. Putting a dollar away every day and watching the jar grow, creates incentive. Each step, even the smallest one, such as putting out the cigarette halfway through, is awesome and your brain remembers. Remind yourself of how well you are doing even if your not all the way there.

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13:00:00 - By Vincent 0

Digital Detoxing - Social Media Age Necessity or Hollow Fad?

BY Paul O’Mahony

A very common complaint about modern society is that we're all a bit too connected.

 I mean sure, social media has enabled us to forge friendships without borders, set up businesses with no fixed office and gain unlimited access to infinite animal GIFs, but is a life spent staring at screens turning us all into the digital undead?

Some seem to think so, which is part of the reason why 'digital detox' camps have suddenly come into existence. What's digital detoxing? Glad you asked, it's essentially a retreat you go to where you completely relinquish your technological tethers, no computers, no phones,  no smartwatches, not even a solitary FitBit. 

It's an intriguing idea, if not a particularly revolutionary one, after all that's how weekend retreats used to work by default, back when none of this technology was as portable, or permanently hooked up to the grid. There are a few examples of this that are just retreats which give you the option of uncoupling yourself from the web, but many newer iterations do actually make it their main prerogative, such as Camp Grounded.

Camp Grounded has 4 sites: Mendocino in California, Cold Spring in upstate New York, Hendersonville in North Carolina and Marble Falls in Texas. All of them follow the same ethos - beautiful surroundings, activities that make adults feel like big kids and absolutely zero internet or digital access until you leave.

It's an intriguing idea, but is there any merit to it beyond a few days bumming around in forests and lakes? Seemingly there very much is. Evidence has suggested that people who take more time out from their digital proclivities forge better relationships, have improved mental health and are generally more productive. Like the Radiohead song, but without the deliberate irony. 

Many companies have actually adopted digital detoxing as a form of company vacation, which will sound familiar if you've ever seen The Thick of It. More and more, digital dependency is becoming a recognised condition among psychologists, and social media has a particularly active roll in it. The need to scroll through a news feed several times a day, watch a status update to see the likes trickle in, or even just wait to see when someone sees a message are all on the more severe end of the spectrum. 

The beauty of 'digital detoxing' is that it needn't be something you have to seek out. It's as simple as just taking some time away from screens, for a few hours, a day or a weekend, as long as people know they won't be able to get hold of you. You could even just turn all your push notifications off so that only calls and texts come through, cutting out anything that you can wait to look at until later. Give it a try some time, you might find yourself feeling very refreshed, and less square-eyed.

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16:30:00 - By Vincent 0

But Procrastination Feels So Right...

By Kathariya Mokrue, PhD 

We’ve all been there: opening up a new document file with every intention of writing our essays, papers, or any assignment. A word or a sentence is formed, then something else catches our attention. Maybe it’s an email, a text, or a habit to check the latest news online. Before we know it, an hour has flown by and it’s time to have lunch. We may find ourselves repeating a similar dance for days until a deadline creeps closer and the consequences of not completing an assignment lead to anxiety and feeling stressed, pushing us to pull an all-nighter. Once completed, we feel a sense of relief of having closely averted a negative consequence, and we vow not to procrastinate in the future. Somehow as we reflect back, we can’t pinpoint where the time has gone and why a seemingly doable task wasn’t so doable after all.

The Anxiety Connection

Procrastination, when we put off doing something we are supposed to, is a form of avoidance. Like other forms of avoidance, procrastination can feel right or justified. Unlike social anxiety, phobias, and other forms of avoidance, however, it can be difficult to pinpoint when it is happening. We naturally gravitate toward doing things that feel more pleasant or neutral. So, if opening up that file and staring at it cause you to feel even a slight discomfort, you are likely to find other things to do or be distracted by. We clean up our workspace, answer emails, read the newspaper, text a friend, or work on less emotionally low-priority taxing tasks instead of doing what we planned on doing.

If left unchecked, procrastination can become an incapacitating habit, fueled by anxiety, which in turn can fuel more procrastination. A vicious cycle ensues. Hence, it is no wonder that many people who suffer from anxiety disorders also struggle with procrastination.

One way to tackle the problem of procrastination before it gets out of hand is to be more mindful of our feelings and behaviors, however subtle or innocuous they may seem. Here are a couple of suggestions to combat procrastination.

1. Set reasonable, achievable goals. This requires an honest review of your past behaviors and patterns. If you’ve never been able to write five pages in one sitting, then that’s probably not an appropriate goal for you. Try two pages and designate the time to complete it. Similarly, it can help to break down projects like papers into outlines, paragraphs, sections. Working on a project is more daunting than working on an outline. Estimate how long it will take you to complete each task. Now double the amount of time. This will ensure that you do not underestimate how long each goal will take. Once you complete the task, you are more likely to feel good and this positive feeling will motivate you to continue.

2. Keep a prioritized to-do list and a schedule. Write down specific tasks and organize them by priority. Also, schedule when you plan on tackling specific tasks. This way, you won’t forget to deal with less pleasant high-priority tasks by keeping yourself busy with low-priority tasks. If you find yourself repeatedly not tackling these tasks or running out of time, you’ll be able to revise your goal settings and scheduling.

3. Eliminate distractions. Were there times when you felt you tackled an assignment well? Identify factors that helped and hindered your work. Do you work better in a quiet place? At home? In the morning? Afternoon? Perhaps it would help to disable the Internet on your computer or tablet, or turn off your cellphone so you are not reading the news or answering emails instead of working. It can also be a good idea to let others know that you do not want to be disturbed during this period.

4. Review tasks accomplished and reward yourself. Take stock each day of what you are able to accomplish and document this. If you are able to meet your goals, reward yourself with a small treat or a kind word. This will help generate more positive feelings associated with the task.

Don’t underestimate the effort it takes to break the habit of procrastination. If it were easy, it wouldn’t be one of the popular items on a New Year’s resolution. As I mentioned in my previous post, by embracing challenges and reducing avoidance (of which procrastination is a form), we improve our self-efficacy, feel more content and capable, and feel less anxious. Visit the Anxiety and Depression Association of America at www.adaa.org to find a mental health professional to help you with anxiety, procrastination, and related avoidance challenges.

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13:00:00 - By Vincent 0

The 9 Reasons People Procrastinate With Social Media

by Juliet McEwen Johnson

We all know by now, that when you make a habit of connecting with potential customers little and often, on topics that they care about, you increase the likelihood of them doing business with you. That could be 5 minutes each network per day. 5 minutes on each of the 5 major networks is less than half an hour; why do most of us drag our feet on such a simple way to increase our online visibility and build our business? Procrastination.

Here are 9 reasons why we all procrastinate about social media, and how we all need to get over ourselves and just do it.

1. Anxiety
   
   We worry that we'll say the wrong thing. We worry that there won't be anyone to talk to. We worry that we won't look smart. But we don't have to be smart; we just have to be helpful, kind, polite and supportive.
2. Fear of Addiction
   
   This is a legit fear; Pinterest in particular can take you down a series of rabbit holes as you explore more and more beautiful images and ideas. The answer is a stopwatch or kitchen timer. I like a real timer; the online versions work just as well. It is a discipline, like exercise and dieting. And in this case we are only asking ourselves for 5 minutes per network. I do mine across the day as I transition from project to project.
   
3. Dislike of Social Networking
   
   There are many people still using "push" marketing in the social landscape and it is annoying. That does not have to be you. Your job is to engage and connect. Contribute to those who are interested in talking with you. Have you found all of your top customers on Twitter, for example? To keep up with them in 140 characters at a time can be done by any introvert!
4. The Belief That It Is a Waste of Time
   
   In the offline world, how often do you have to connect with someone before they will buy? They say it takes 7 touches. Online is no different, except that your butt hasn't left your desk chair and it's taken a lot less time!
   
5. Disorganization
   
   You are simply trying to connect with people - so a comment, a like, a plus one, or a re-tweet all will get your name in front of the owner of the content you are appreciating. It can be simple.
6. Distraction
   
   The social networks are designed to delight you; you must expect distraction and use it to your advantage. Whenever pulled off task, simply comment on the new discovery and see if this is someone you would like to connect with.
   
7. Reactivity
   
   There is nothing wrong with reacting to discussions already taking place. Social media is about listening and engaging before you can put your own content out there with a sales message. The daily business of social media IS reacting, being where the conversation is already taking place.Reactivity is a plus, and should not be cast as a reason to procrastinate.
8. Lack Of Pro-activity and Planning
   
   For all those of us who need a plan, here it is - take 5 minutes and connect with as many people as you can in that time frame on their topics. When you have done that for 3 days straight, you have earned the right to plant a sales link. The end. It is that easy.
   
9. Laziness
   
   Let's face it: we all want a magic pill. I would like a robot that cooks gourmet, healthy food and cleans the house, most especially the toilets, but that era has not arrived yet. It will. Until then, we all have to do those kinds of tasks ourselves. After I have cleaned my own house a few times, I certainly appreciate it a lot more when someone else does it!

So, too, with social media, when you take the time to put in the work, even only a little bit, you do see results and you will be more appreciative as a result. You will have earned the results, which is a wonderful feeling! Every time you achieve a goal, the joy is well worth the effort in retrospect. You'll see

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16:00:00 - By Vincent 0

Social media cited as largest source of procrastination

By Rachel Moford

Procrastination is by no means a new invention, but a new survey shows that social media takes time from studying and projects the most.

Research conducted by Stop Procrastinating, an app that disconnects users from the internet in attempts to boost productivity, finds social media  and other internet time-wasters, to be the leading culprits behind millennial procrastination trends. The survey, analyzing the study habits of 1500 US undergraduate students, consistently found students identifying relatively new technological luxuries as the cause of their procrastination.

Phu Lwin, a freshman undeclared student, identifies social media as a contributor to her procrastination.

“I am very distracted by social media…as an international student, it is important to stay connected,”  Lwin said.

Of those polled, 74 percent identified that the degree to which internet distractions fueled their procrastination was significant and worrying. Another 64 percent of those polled admitted to having lost their train of thought after responding to a social media alert while studying. This is compared to the 14 percent that identified television as the cause of their distractions

Lwin, however,seems to have mixed feelings about procrastination as a whole.

“I know that procrastination is bad – but I feel like it is a part of my learning style. I work better under pressure, my ideas are just better then, ”Lwin said.

The study also shows that 51 percent of students admit to losing at least an hour of productivity a day to social media and internet distraction. About 44 percent of those polled were worried about the overall quality of their work decreasing due to procrastination caused by the internet.

Freshman computer science major Michael Wang believed that findings were underreported and categorically a terrible habit.

“If I could change one thing about myself, it would be that,” Wang said. “At this point, I think telling someone to stop procrastinating is about the same as telling someone to stop being depressed. That’s just not how it works.”

However, Wang did not view the internet or social media as solely culpable for his procrastination habits.

“Social media is definitely the easiest, most convenient form of procrastination. But if it wasn’t that, it would be something else. I once taught myself how to do a handstand,” Wang said.

Yulexa Bradford, a freshman psychology major, disagreed with the study’s conclusions completely.

“I don’t see the internet as the directly the cause of procrastination. A lot of it is just wanting to enjoy oneself,” Bradford said.

Bradford identifies herself as a procrastinator, but does not see it as an overall detriment to her studies and instead inherent to many individuals’ work styles.

“If I need to do something, I’m going to do it – there’s no pull from procrastination stopping me,” Bradford said.

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16:00:00 - By Vincent 0