The Importance of Meaningful Connections: How I Prepared for My World Domination Summit Keynote & Why No One Does Anything Alone

by CHELSEA DINSMORE

Last week I stood on stage at the World Domination Summit (WDS) and delivered a 30-minute keynote speech to more than 1,000 people. (Note: we will publish the talk as soon as we get it in our hands!)

It was scary.

It was exciting.

It was overwhelming.

It was something I never dreamed I was capable of doing.

And while I stood on that stage on my own, what I delivered by no means came together solely from my own efforts.

So, today I want to share with you the process I used to face this new challenge, in the hope that you might take from it some tips, tools and mindset shifts to help you face your own new challenge. This is not “Public Speaking 101”—this process is simply a way to face anything that feels outside of your comfort zone—and why meaningful connections are absolutely key to that.

How I Prepared for My WDS Speech

I don’t really have much public speaking experience. I was senior class president in high school, so delivered a short message at graduation. I delivered remarks at Scott’s memorial service. And back in April I gave a speech on connecting to a group of students. So, I am by no means an expert.

I was asked to speak at WDS back in November. So while I had about 10 months notice, in reality my real prep came together starting in June.

My first step was to get the message I wanted to deliver together.

STEP 1: START WITH THE END IN MIND

I was given broad instructions on the topic of my talk. Basically it could be anything that fit with the theme of the event: how to live an unconventional life in a conventional world. I had been an attendee at this event two times in the past so I sort of knew the theme, the crowd and the energy I was going into.

To get some focused space, I retreated to a family beach house by myself with my journal, my computer, my lessons from my weekly planning process since September, and a ton of ideas to hone my message into something that could be delivered in 30 minutes.

I knew that I wanted to talk about why and how I have processed the loss of Scott over the last 11 months. But how could I possibly narrow that down to a few main points? There are soooo many things that I have done—but I knew I needed to relate to the audience and deliver something that left them with a take away.

So I first came up with my outcomes—an important step in determining how to pare anything down!!!

And then I spent many hours, a lot of procrastination, a few glasses of wine (and at one point an entire chocolate bar in a single sitting) coming up with my main lessons from the year. I had 25+, which I grouped into about five main lessons and then ended up choosing three to fit into the time limit. I tried to choose ones that would relate to any difficult situation and that also provided take away’s the crowd could actually implement.

STEP 2: STEP AWAY TO LET THE IDEAS BREW

I then went on a trip where I let the general ideas brew. I casually talked about it to almost anyone who would listen to help me integrate the ideas and flow (and also to get feedback).

I sought further inspiration as I was traveling since I had the general ideas on my mind already. I thought about it in my moments alone. And I did some initial writing of the talk as I traveled (because as I mentioned, my best writing seems to happens when I fly).

This was a casual approach to helping me fully embrace the overall idea of the talk.

STEP 3: SEEK OUT A VILLAGE OF HELP (AND PRACTICE A SH*T TON!)

We talk a lot at LYL about cultivating meaningful connections and this is exactly why.

The message I delivered on that stage last week was not a result of my doing. It was a result of the input of a village of people.

Just a few to be exact….

And this is why meaningful connections matter.

Because I was asked to do something that had the opportunity to make an impact. And while I could have stood up there and said something, what I said was 10 times better because of the advice, feedback, strategy, input, love, and effort of those around me.

If I hadn’t spent years cultivating actual meaningful connections (where I added value in some way shape or form to them), they likely wouldn’t have been willing to add value in return when I needed it.

Meaningful connections make giving and receiving help easy—it is a two-way street.

I scheduled dinners at friends houses and offered to cook for them (add value) in exchange for them listening to my talk and giving feedback. One, because it is really hard to practice on your own (although the family cat Nui, did hear the speech more than any other). Scheduling those dinners not only kept me accountable, but also practicing in front of your best friends and family members is far more difficult than practicing in front of a large group where there are bright lights and you can’t really see into anyone’s eyes when your story makes them cry…

As hard as it was to change what I had been trying to practice, hearing people’s feedback helped me understand how they took my message. I asked every single person what they liked best and where they got lost, or what they didn’t fully understand. It would have been easy to sit and think I knew exactly how people were going to take what I said, but I got a lot of insight as I heard what people actually heard.

To Add Value, Be Grateful

With my business connections, I had people hop on the phone with me despite their very busy weeks, meet slide deadlines with only days and give me loads of support before and the day of.

But only because I wasn’t only asking for help. In some way in the past, I had given some sort of advice, help or something else in return.

And I made sure to leave those connections with a thank you from me. Some people received gifts in the mail, others email thank yous with how their advice specifically helped me deliver what I did that day.

Honestly, adding value to someone isn’t all that hard—as everyone loves to hear how they helped you out. So paying attention to their specific advice, implementing it and letting them know the outcome is one of many ways to begin to cultivate meaningful connections with others…

No One Does Anything Alone

At the end of my speech, I received a very generous standing ovation.

But that standing ovation was not for me….

It was for all those who helped me prepare what I delivered on that day.

It was the effort of many, not just one. It was the result of connections cultivated over years. And it led to some very cool outcomes—including a girl who got a tattoo immediately after with something I said on stage!!!

And that is why, as we have mentioned before, we are super excited to release Connect With Anyone in just a few weeks. Because not only was it Scott’s proudest work, but he did not build Live Your Legend alone and I have not kept it alive alone. 

So today I encourage you to think about who you have in your corner? And what connections you currently have where you give and receive value?

Because if there is anything I know, it’s that those connections are what have gotten me through this very difficult year. It’s those connections that help keep LYL what it is today. It’s those connections that gave me the strength to stand on that stage last week.

And, it’s those connections that will lead to whatever lies ahead…

To the people who make me a better version of me, 

–Chelsea Dinsmore

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12:47:00 - By Vincent 0

What Contribution Taught Me about Connection (and Why I Refuse to Lose Faith in Humanity)

by CHELSEA DINSMORE

Have you ever had an experience that changed you? One that touched you so deeply or inspired you so fully, it caused to to act differently from that point on? Well, here’s a little story about one of those experiences for me…

I visited Africa for the first time 9 years ago. Shortly after that trip, I quit my soul-sucking Public Relations job and decided to pursue something that actually mattered to me. It wasn’t just being away from the office for a few weeks that did it. It was the lessons that lingered afterwards, the reminders that I couldn’t seem to shake.

I recently shared 8 reasons why I think exploration is the best education—but really, it’s pretty simple. It’s because:

Your experiences create your passions.

So, after that initial trip and quitting my job, I had plans to go spend some time in Africa through a fellowship program. But Scott and I then decided it was something we wanted to do together (and was what we had planned to do after summiting Kilimanjaro). I put that dream on hold for a bit to prioritize some other things in my life—a decision I am glad I made today. 

But to honor that lingering spark inside of me, recently I joined a trip to Kenya where the focus was adventure and contribution:

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13:32:00 - By Vincent 0

THE SIMPLE JOYS ARE THE MOST MEANINGFUL

By Mark Manson

The cute Brazilian girl in the cell phone store looks up at me and sputters a series of syllables in my general direction. She’s been fiddling with my phone for 15 minutes now, the phone I just bought for twice as much as I would have paid in any other country. Now she can’t get it to work. Explanation is pending, at least until I decipher the Portuguese syllable soup she continues to vomit at me.

I’m frustrated, if you didn’t notice.

“Não entendo,” I reply, for probably the twelfth time. It means “I don’t understand.” One of the only Portuguese phrases I know.

The coy smile she had given me the first few times I said it are now replaced with an aching impatience. She frowns at me, then at the phone, and then sighs. She pulls out a Post-It note, scrawls some Portuguese on it, hands it to me along with my dysfunctional new phone and slowly instructs me to go to another store in the mall and have them deal with it. She has to repeat these instructions three times before I understand them. This is the fourth cell phone store I am being sent to. Apparently there are a lot of bureaucratic procedures involved with buying a cell phone in Brazil, the details of which are obviously sailing clear over my head. And since none of the store clerks speak English, they’ve all eventually reached a breaking point, lost patience and sent me down to the next store to be somebody else’s headache.

The entire process has taken close to three hours… and it’s still not over. The mall cell phone nightmare continues.

(Although to be honest, it should have only been about an hour-and-a-half, I fell asleep in the Claro store waiting for a customer service rep to call my number. I awoke 45 minutes later to find they had proceeded to half a dozen customers beyond me. I strained to convince the rep to take me next since I had been there an hour. But my Portuguese persuasion skills weren’t very effective… OK, since we’re being honest right now, they were non-existent. I couldn’t say a thing, and therefore I hardly raised a fuss. Thus I took a new number and sat my ass back down, this time forcing myself to remain awake for the ensuing 30 minutes I would wait… again.)

I never resolved my cell phone issue that day. I finally found an old man in the mall who spoke English and was kind enough to come translate for me — yes, I walked around a Brazilian mall randomly approaching people to find someone to translate for me. It turns out that Brazil requires an identification number to activate any cell phone bought within the country, the equivalent of having a Social Security Number in the US to buy a cell phone. There’s a formal process that’s required and if you’re a foreigner and don’t work for a Brazilian company, then you’re screwed (unless you can get a friend to come in and register your phone under their name). As is probably obvious, I did not have any Brazilian friends with me. So almost four hours after arriving, I left the mall, having paid too much for a phone I still couldn’t use.

…And then got lost going home.

This was my first day in Sao Paulo. And I would be lying if I said days like this were rare. They don’t happen that often, but with enough regularity that the seething frustration, the awkward self-consciousness, the mental exhaustion, and the unavoidable sense of isolation, they’ve all become familiar to me now.

Today, internet entrepreneurship is the latest rage. Attachment-free mobile living is the new dream. And you don’t have to look much further than the 4 Hour Work Week to see the romanticization of such a post-modern lifestyle.

But as with any lifestyle, there are strengths and weaknesses to it. It’s not all a bed of roses. You sacrifice some things to gain others. And don’t worry, I’m not here to complain about every trying moment I’ve come across in two-and-a-half years of traveling. There have been far, far, far more good days than bad. And I would not take back a single life decision I’ve made.

But I do want to paint a realistic picture of what this lifestyle entails, the highs with the lows. And posit that perhaps the biggest difference between this lifestyle and a conventional one, is simply that the highs are higher and the lows lower, thus reorienting what one values spending their time on.

Because this is what you don’t hear, and that Tim Ferriss would never tell you: that day after the Brazilian cell phone debacle, after finally finding my way back to my hotel at dusk, I went and sat in my room by myself. Without TV. Without Wifi. No movies. No friends (not like I’d be able to call them anyway). Nothing to do. I went home and laid in bed for most of the evening. Physically and mentally drained and miserable.

And alone.

There’s nothing new about a bad day. We all have them. And we all have our own strategies to unravel our negative emotions. Sometimes we call up a friend and unload on them, perhaps over beers. Or we call up mom or dad and look for a little reassurance. Maybe we put on a movie with our significant other and just forget about everything for a few hours. Or maybe we hit the gym or take it out on a basketball court.

But life on the road, it’s quite often that you don’t have any friends to have beers with, you can’t call a parent and lean on them for some support, you don’t have a movie to watch or someone to curl up with, no gym membership, no basketball court. Often you have to take the brunt of your emotions alone, with nothing to distract you from them.

And it’s hard. But it makes you stronger, more mentally resilient, more centered. When you do eventually bounce back, life feels much lighter. And those joyous experiences you feel in contrast to the dark and lonely ones become that much better. In fact, I’ve found that the stark contrast between highs and lows has actually begun to redefine what those joyous moments are.

Some of my happiest memories from last year were going out and just having beers with some friends. Nothing more, nothing less. Something which I did weekly for years and years prior to this new lifestyle and that was always available to me.

It’s a bizarrely paradoxical effect on one’s emotional life: the extreme highs and novelty of experience render certain “exciting” activities to feel meaningless, and the extreme lows of isolation and frustration make many “normal” activities feel exciting and fulfilling. A Fourth of July parade looks a lot different after you’ve been to Carnaval in Brazil (twice) and stayed up three days straight partying in Ibiza. And I’ll give you a hint: it becomes really boring.

A road trip to the beach back home seems silly in comparison to living on the beach in Thailand, or taking surfing lessons in the swells of Bali. In many ways, you become jaded to your former life.

But on the other hand, the dark times of loneliness, depression, frustration, and isolation make other routine daily events of life — events which you and everyone else take for granted — that much better and more significant.

Last year, I got terribly sick in a rural town in India — possibly the last place on earth you would want to be sick. I had a scorching fever, cold chills and a headache that jackhammered the inside of my skull. I ran out of potable water at about 10PM, and the only stores in town had closed down for the night. I laid in bed through the entire night, unable to sleep due to fever and sweats. No medicine. Dehydrated and incredibly thirsty. And just to make things more interesting, a few hundred bugs swarmed into the room and were now crawling and buzzing around the walls, and occasionally on me.

Mom’s Christmas dinner tastes a lot better after an experience like that.

Which I guess is what the paradox resolves into: a devaluing of superficial pleasures and a greater appreciation for simple, authentic ones. I don’t really enjoy the presents at Christmas anymore, the fireworks at fourth of July, or even the parties on New Year’s Eve. I’ve seen bigger parties, been to more beautiful places, and already own everything I’ll ever want in this life. But unlike before, I appreciate every day spent with those who mean a lot to me. A quiet beer on a patio. Watching a basketball game together. Going to a birthday party or a barbecue. These are the events I look forward to now and get excited about, days and weeks ahead of time… And that’s probably the way it should be.

12:28:00 - By Vincent 0

30 signs YOUR relationship has hit the comfort zone (and will go the distance)

By BIANCA 

Squeezing each other's spots, leaving the toilet door open and talking while naked: 30 signs YOUR relationship has hit the comfort zone (and will go the distance)

• 
  
• Relationships hit the comfort phase after exactly 11 months and 24 days
• Having the confidence to tell a partner their breath smells shows potential
• Doing their laundry and wearing 'ugly' underwear is a sign of a good bond 

Do you go au natural around your partner, chat to them while naked and do their laundry? You've officially hit the comfort zone.

New research reveals that relationships hit the comfort phase after exactly 11 months and 24 days - when you're happy to squeeze each other's spots, leave the toilet door open and tell all about ex-partners.

talking while naked

The research analysed 2,000 couples and found it takes almost a year to get used to sharing your life and living space with a significant other.

And the key signs you've entered the comfort zone include allowing your other half to see you when ill, without make-up on and in your lounging clothes.

Using the toilet without locking the door, feeling free to cry in front of your partner and letting them look after you when poorly are other sure signs of being in a comfortable relationship.

The poll also found having the confidence to tell a partner if their breath is a little smelly or if they need a squirt of deodorant without them taking offence is a strong sign that a relationship has serious potential.

It may seem gross to some, but squeezing each other's spots or plucking stray hairs is another sign a relationship is definitely comfortable. And the cliche of finishing each other's sentences still rings true - appearing inside the top 30 signs of a comfortable partnership.

Using the toilet without locking the doo

Using the toilet without locking the door, feeling free to cry in front of your partner and letting them look after you when poorly are other sure signs of being in a comfortable relationship

Body confidence was a continuous theme, with being more relaxed about shaving, physical appearance overall and wearing swimwear in front of your partner all being cited as good markers for a relationship lasting the pace.

It's not always smooth sailing though - a third have been in a relationship where their partner got too comfortable too quickly and the illusion of a perfect relationship is most commonly broken when the man breaks wind in front of his partner.

Nearly a fifth said a new partner had overstepped the mark by getting in touch with their family members too early, or asking about ex-partners. 

Having the confidence to tell a partner if their breath is a little smelly

Having the confidence to tell a partner if their breath is a little smelly or if they need a squirt of deodorant without them taking offence is another tell-tale sign of a strong relationship

A spokesperson for Measure digital bowel health test, who commissioned the research, said: 'It's interesting to see that it takes nearly a year for people to feel they can really be comfortable around each other.

'At first we're very conscious and don't want to be seen as anything but our best, but gradually over time we let people in more and more as our trust and confidence builds.

'Some might say the signs you've reached that place in a relationship can signal an end to the romance, but it's a good sign that you're comfortable in your partner's presence and can share any topic or worry with them without fear of being judged.'

Letting them have house keys

THE TOP 30 SIGNS OF A RELATIONSHIP COMFORT ZONE 

1. Not wearing make-up

2. Not locking the bathroom door

Giving        3. Wearing pyjamas/lounge wear

4. Breaking wind in front of them

5. Not shaving your legs/face

6. Wearing your less attractive/non-matching underwear

7. Doing his/her laundry

8. Going to the toilet with the door open

9. Confiding in them over health concerns

10. Letting them look after you when you're ill

11. You don't mind crying in front of them

12. Taking calls/visits from their family

13. 'Letting yourself go' without worrying about it

14. Laughing when they take the mickey out of you

15. Letting them have house keys

16. Happy to have a conversation while naked

17. Knowing their views on marriage and kids

18. Telling them when they need a mint/deodorant

19. Shaving in front of them

20. Asking them to squeeze a spot/pluck a hair

21. Not fretting at the prospect of being in swimwear in front of them

22. Showering together

23. Going clothes shopping together

24. Making their lunch to take to work

25. Answering their phone

26. Leaving clothes at each other's houses

27. Telling them your hang-ups

28. Finishing each other's sentences

29. Calling them by a pet name

30. Talking about/knowing about ex-partners

  SOURCE

12:00:00 - By Vincent 0

Digital Detoxing - Social Media Age Necessity or Hollow Fad?

BY Paul O’Mahony

A very common complaint about modern society is that we're all a bit too connected.

 I mean sure, social media has enabled us to forge friendships without borders, set up businesses with no fixed office and gain unlimited access to infinite animal GIFs, but is a life spent staring at screens turning us all into the digital undead?

Some seem to think so, which is part of the reason why 'digital detox' camps have suddenly come into existence. What's digital detoxing? Glad you asked, it's essentially a retreat you go to where you completely relinquish your technological tethers, no computers, no phones,  no smartwatches, not even a solitary FitBit. 

It's an intriguing idea, if not a particularly revolutionary one, after all that's how weekend retreats used to work by default, back when none of this technology was as portable, or permanently hooked up to the grid. There are a few examples of this that are just retreats which give you the option of uncoupling yourself from the web, but many newer iterations do actually make it their main prerogative, such as Camp Grounded.

Camp Grounded has 4 sites: Mendocino in California, Cold Spring in upstate New York, Hendersonville in North Carolina and Marble Falls in Texas. All of them follow the same ethos - beautiful surroundings, activities that make adults feel like big kids and absolutely zero internet or digital access until you leave.

It's an intriguing idea, but is there any merit to it beyond a few days bumming around in forests and lakes? Seemingly there very much is. Evidence has suggested that people who take more time out from their digital proclivities forge better relationships, have improved mental health and are generally more productive. Like the Radiohead song, but without the deliberate irony. 

Many companies have actually adopted digital detoxing as a form of company vacation, which will sound familiar if you've ever seen The Thick of It. More and more, digital dependency is becoming a recognised condition among psychologists, and social media has a particularly active roll in it. The need to scroll through a news feed several times a day, watch a status update to see the likes trickle in, or even just wait to see when someone sees a message are all on the more severe end of the spectrum. 

The beauty of 'digital detoxing' is that it needn't be something you have to seek out. It's as simple as just taking some time away from screens, for a few hours, a day or a weekend, as long as people know they won't be able to get hold of you. You could even just turn all your push notifications off so that only calls and texts come through, cutting out anything that you can wait to look at until later. Give it a try some time, you might find yourself feeling very refreshed, and less square-eyed.

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16:30:00 - By Vincent 0

How to Express Anger in a Healthy Way

By Lisa B. Marshall

Do you struggle with understanding or managing anger? Do you wonder how to communicate when you’re feeling angry?

A listener recently asked me to address implosive anger, also called repressed anger. There’s a funny movie that addresses this subject. It’s called Anger Management, with Jack Nicholson as a psychiatrist trying to help Adam Sandler's character realize he has a problem. He says to Adam,

“There are two kinds of angry people: explosive and implosive. Explosive is the kind of individual that you see screaming at the cashier for not taking their coupons. Implosive is the cashier, who remains quiet day after day, and finally shoots everyone in the store. You’re the cashier.”  (Hearing Jack Nicholson say those words is both funny and scary at the same time!)

Signs of Implosive Anger

Sometimes people who appear mild-mannered really are as calm as they seem and don’t get upset easily. But some people are actually getting upset, they just aren’t letting it show. The first sign of implosive anger is denial. 

Going back to the movie, after the doctor tells Adam he’s the cashier, Adam replies, “No, no, no. I’m the guy hiding in the frozen food section dialing 911. I swear.” Denial. These are the people who say, “I’m not angry, I’m just disappointed.” Or “I’m not angry, I’m just upset.” They can’t admit to themselves they’re feeling anger.

However, though they won’t admit something made them angry, they will withdraw from the person or situation, and then brood about the incident. “How rude he was! I can’t believe he said that to me. And in front of everyone! He humiliated me.” The angry person replays the event over and over. Maybe you’ve felt that way from time to time—I know I have. But when people have an anger problem, withdrawing and brooding go to an extreme.

Effects of Anger

According to an article in Psychology Today, anger is triggered by some sense of having been disempowered. Thus the purpose of anger is to eliminate a feeling of powerlessness. So anger wants to attack. Expressed anger attacks the other person in some way. But who does suppressed anger attack? It attacks you.

It’s well-known that negative stress causes a variety of illnesses. In fact, a study by UC Berkeley recently found that repressing anger leads to back pain and stiff muscles.

So, let it out, right? Well, maybe not. According to the same study, venting causes heart disease. What about a physical vent? Maybe punch something to get it out, or take a jog? Apparently, that doesn’t help, either. A study entitled Does Venting Anger Feed or Extinguish the Flame? indicated that because exercise keeps the heart rate and blood pressure elevated and doesn’t distract the angry person from thinking about it, the person’s anger remains high, and perhaps even higher.

So, what’s an angry person to do, then?

Managing Your Anger in a Healthy Way

Emotions help us manage our experiences. And since we sometimes have negative experiences, negative emotions serve a purpose in our lives and should not be denied or suppressed. But they need to be managed and communicated in a healthy way.

The first approach is to calm down. My advice about how to calm down before speaking in public is very useful here. In my episode, 5 Ways to Speak Up without Freaking Out, my guest and I discuss recognizing your feelings as normal, then learning to calm them through visualization and deep breathing.

The next method is to change the way you look at the situation. It’s often helpful to consider the other person’s perspective, or try to think of it as if you were a “fly on the wall”. How would a casual observer evaluate the situation? What if both sides gave their perspectives? My episode How to Handle Rude Questions discusses this a bit. Additionally, doing things incompatible with anger can make a huge difference. How can you be angry while watching a comedy or playing with kittens?

Communicating Effectively

If you’ve calmed down enough to look at the situation somewhat objectively, and you find you have a legitimate reason to be angry, it’s important to communicate it in a way that will improve and resolve the situation and your feelings, not perpetuate them.

I have discussed many times on this show the value of diplomatic speaking. In a nutshell, you need to think about what you will say, choose words carefully, and listen with an open mind. The following podcasts go into this in detail.

How to Have a Difficult Conversation

How to Handle Criticism

6 Constructive Ways to Give Negative Feedback

How to be More Diplomatic

You should also consider other people’s communication styles. You might be a quiet type, but someone else might be more dynamic or to-the-point. Neither communication style is bad, but the difference almost guarantees misunderstandings. Some of my best podcasts on this subject are:

How to Deal with People More Effectively

How to Deal with Difficult People

Communicate Better with Different Types of People

Does Your Communication Style Hold You Back?

Finally, remember that sometimes life is hard. Sometimes you just have to Choose to Be Happy. If you or someone you love continues to have issues with anger or sadness, please talk to a professional. But usually, putting into practice the suggestions in this podcast will help you balance anger so that it’s a rare occurrence.

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13:00:00 - By Vincent 0