A Balanced Life

By Bob Proctor

In his publication Better Families, Dr. J. Allan Petersen quotes C. Peter McColough of Xerox who says, "I look for breadth of interest.  Individuals with broad interests are best able to perform within a company today.  We face many societal changes, and a broad outlook and encompassing overview are more pertinent than the traditional circumscribed career preparation.  Perhaps one of the most important qualities a man or woman can possess is balance.  That simply means that one doesn't go off the deep end.  You balance your life with wives, husbands, children, recreational activities, hobbies, physical programs and community involvement.  To get off in one area or another, I think, is a mistake and will lead to trouble."

Research is conclusive that the more broad, general knowledge an individual has, the more balanced he or she will be in life.  Interestingly enough, it also conclusively proves that those people with a broad range of knowledge are the most creative in the solution of problems, not only in the corporate world, but in their personal and family lives as well.  When our analytical left brain is supplied with a broad range of information, when we encounter problems which we've never encountered before, or when we meet unique opportunities, the broader that range of knowledge, the more creative we are in the solution to the problem itself or on the capitalizing of any new opportunity that presents itself.

Now, combine this broad range of knowledge with an ever-growing increase in knowledge, and exciting things really happen.  The new input of knowledge into the mind stirs up all of the old input and when new information meets old information, they get together and create new concepts and ideas.  The message is clear: Broaden your range of interests; live a balanced life; continue to grow in information and knowledge and I'll SEE YOU AT THE TOP in all areas of your life.

SOURCE

13:19:00 - By Vincent 0

Balance is the Key

By Bob Proctor

A past issue of Psychology Today detailed a study of 1,139 CEOs of the Fortune 2,000 companies. Their average income was $356,000, which is not surprising. However, one thing that will surprise many people is to learn that these high achievers' number one priority was their family and their number one asset was their integrity. In addition, over 90% of them exercised regularly, did not smoke, and most of them could give their cholesterol level. In other words, they lived quite a well-balanced life.

This to a large degree destroys the old myth about the top executives, doesn't it? How they are so devoted to their jobs that they neglect their health, their families and anything that has anything to do with not making money or doing their job. In short, these men are successful in their personal, family and business lives. They take care of their health and their priorities are well-placed. Countless other studies substantiate the fact that a balanced life is significantly important, not only for our health but for success in our chosen careers and with our families.

Obviously, there are numerous other factors involved. Research conclusively proves that people who have reached the top are people of integrity. They also are intelligent and, in most cases, well-educated. In addition, their ambition, their profession and their position require that they be good students who stay abreast with current events. Most of them love and even have a passion for what they do. In other words, it takes a balance of skill, talent, good qualities and hard work to win in every area of life. This enables them to acquire many of the things money will buy and even more of the things money won't buy. Think about it. Bring your life in balance, and I'll SEE YOU AT THE TOP!

SOURCE

13:00:00 - By Vincent 0

TIE IT ALL TOGETHER, The Pyramd of Mastery

By Tony Robbins

Let’s take a look at how far you’ve come. We’ve been focusing on the most important areas of your life to have an extraordinary quality of life. To recap, these areas are: Physical Body, Emotions and Meaning, Relationships, Time, Career, Finances and Contribution and Spirituality. Each of these areas requires focus – neglecting any one of them can cause massive pain in your life. To create a life of true fulfillment, you must master all seven areas.

While some areas may be stronger than others, it is important that you continue improve each of them. In doing so, you will create more balance in your life. This balance will allow you to create more momentum and power. Continual progress is the way you get bigger and better results while feeling more fulfilled.

To live an extraordinary life, you must know where you are and where you want to be – and the Pyramid of Mastery is your map for closing the gap and creating the life you deserve.

SOURCE

13:07:00 - By Vincent 0

DIVERSIFY YOUR IDENTITY

By Mark Manson

I don’t watch much TV, but if there were a channel that played Tony Robbins seminars non-stop, I’d watch it like a teenage girl glued to an America’s Next Top Modelmarathon. Say what you want about Robbins (opinions range from him being a complete hack and fraud to him being the second coming of Jesus Christ; my opinion is somewhere in the middle), but his seminars are never dull. The guy knows how to market helping people.

For the uninitiated, Robbins’ seminars have some informal portions where people in the (massive) audience are able to stand up and address their personal issues with Tony one-on-one, in a kind of private counseling session… in front of 2,000 other people. Tony manhandles their emotional worlds, reshaping their realities in front of your eyes, all to thunderous applause. Whether it’s genuine or not, it’s never boring, and it’s usually educational.

(A good friend of mine who is a psychologist and therapist refers to Robbins as the Batman of Psychology — sometimes he has to break the rules and do some unethical things, but it’s always for the greater good.)

In one seminar, a middle-aged man in the audience stood up and confessed that he was suicidal. He then shared his story: he was a finance guy, a very good finance guy. He made a fortune and not only that, but his friends and family members gave him their savings to manage and he made them fortunes as well. His entire life he had been successful and made a lot of people a lot of money.

And then one day he lost it all.

When prodded by Robbins, his reasoning for wanting to kill himself was that his life insurance policy would pay enough to support his wife and children after he was gone, whereas if he stayed alive, his family would be saddled by debt and left broke. When Robbins threw out the obvious point that while his kids would grow up with financial stability, they wouldn’t have a father, the man calmly asserted, “Yes, exactly. That’s the idea.”

What immediately strikes you is this man’s dumbfounding belief that his kids need financial stability more than a living father. And it’d be easy to discount him as a loony for that and be on our merry way.

But if we take a moment and empathize with him and dig a bit deeper into his motivation, we discover something important about his self-perception: This man perceives the value of his own life to be nothing more than financial.

He has no sense of value in himself as a father, husband, friend, companion, not to mention any other skills or hobbies. It’s not just that he thinks his kids would be better off with money than with him, it’s that he believes his only value as a person is his ability to make money.

Superhero Robbins quickly pounced on the nub of the issue: this man had never emotionally invested himself or identified with his roles as a father, a husband, a friend, a colleague — he had invested all of his identity (and time and effort) in making money and becoming rich. Then once his wealth vanished, so did his entire sense of self.

A while back, I saw a short video of Tim Ferriss and in passing he mentioned a concept called “identity diversification.” He more or less said the following:

When you have money, it’s always smart to diversify your investments. That way if one of them goes south, you don’t lose everything. It’s also smart to diversify your identity, to invest your self-esteem and what you care about into a variety of different areas — business, social life, relationships, philanthropy, athletics — so that when one goes south, you’re not completely screwed over and emotionally wrecked.

I loved this idea. It’s one of those ideas that’s so obvious yet elusive. When you hear it, it makes you feel like you just woke up. Identity diversification.

WHAT IS IDENTITY?

Whether consciously or unconsciously, we all choose what’s important to us; we choose what we value. We choose the measuring sticks with which we measure success and our self-worth. Common measuring sticks people often choose include: being professionally successful, being highly educated, making a lot of money, being an excellent father/husband, being pious and faithful in a chosen religion, being socially and/or sexually popular and desired, being physically attractive or beautiful, and on and on.

Whatever we choose to judge our self-worth by, be it how big of a fan we are for our favorite sports team or making more money than any of our friends or getting more attention from the opposite sex, we are choosing in which way we want to receive validation to feel good about ourselves. Like a mural, whatever you choose to value and receive validation from conglomerates into your overall identity.

Most of us naturally gravitate toward certain aspects of our identity merely through growing up and having attention or praise lavished on us for particular reasons. Maybe you were the smart kid, or the good-looking quarterback, or the popular musician, or whatever. The validation we receive growing up largely determines how we choose to value ourselves in our adult life.

Some of us also experienced emotional traumas early on and therefore many of us get fixated on certain aspects of our identity more than others. Social pressures can also force us into over-identifying with a certain aspect of our identity, which then drowns out other areas of our lives.

For instance, the movie Blow is a true story about drug smuggler George Jung. Jung grew up in a poor family with a father who had trouble paying the bills. As a result, Jung grew up identifying disproportionately with earning money and being rich and doing it in whatever way he could. Once he began smuggling drugs, the social pressures of those around him, the drug cartels and the lifestyle he lived continued to reinforce his choice to receive validation from money and wealth. Even if you haven’t seen the movie, it’s fairly obvious that eventually his life unraveled along with all of the relationships which mattered to him.

In my own life, I over-identified with my sex life and the validation I received from women. This led to me becoming depressed and living on a couch with no job. Later on, when I was building my business and often working 14-16 hour days simply to make a rent payment, a simple refund request or 2-3 days with no new sales could send me spiraling into a depression. Both of these examples from my life were times when I was investing myself completely into one area — women and business — and forsaking other important areas of my life and my identity.

In the case of the man in Robbins’ seminar, he lived an entire life that reinforced his identity as a man who could make money. He worked 100 hour weeks for decades. He made millions. Everyone who knew him, knew him as the man who could make money and did. Many of them knew him and liked him because he could make money.

This constant reinforcement and lack of diversity in his life eventually warped his perception in himself away from being a father, a husband, a friend, a role model, and instead a walking bank account. That’s all that came to matter to him and his identity. He had nothing else going for him because he never invested in any other aspects of his relationships. And when the money went, so did his self-worth along with it.

WHAT DO YOU CARE ABOUT?

One could take this advice as merely being a well-balanced individual. The problem is, people can be well-balanced but still not have a diverse identity. They can participate in a lot of different activities, but still derive the majority of their validation and self-worth from one source.

For instance, let’s say you’re a well-balanced individual with a successful law career, a spouse, some cool hobbies, and you enjoy reading in your spare time. But in reality your career dominates your identity. You work so much that you have little with which to relate to your spouse other than work. Your hobbies all involve your coworkers. Your reading relates to your career. You have no diversity.

A lot of people I know in finance are like this. Their friends are their co-workers. The books they read and movies they watch relate to their job. Their social excursions are work and networking functions. The dates they go on with people they meet doing work-related things. There’s no diversification of where they’re receiving their validation. And therefore their emotional stability and self-esteem is at risk.

If you invest all of your identity in one basket, then you put your self-esteem and emotional well-being at risk.

American Football player Junior Seau recently committed suicide a few years after retiring. A lot of discussion has taken place about athletes and how they can regain their lost identity once they retire. One can’t imagine what they must feel, having gone their entire lives since childhood being recognized for being great at a single activity, and then once they hit their 40’s, it’s all taken away.

Seau is not the only casualty. There’s this heartbreaking article about Hall of Fame football player William “Refrigerator” Perry and his descent into depression and alcoholism after retirement. Or this excellent article on soccer legends Pele and Maradona and their inability to let go of their pasts. Or how about this one on Michael Jordan and his continued bitterness and insecurity after retirement?

Three years ago, the thought of my business going under terrified me. I stayed up entire nights worrying about if a new web page would make me money or not. When they didn’t I would lose sleep again trying to figure out why.

Ironically, now that I’m successful in business, my identity isn’t as invested in it, and if it failed tomorrow I don’t think I’d be as devastated now as I would have been three years ago. Why? Because I’ve diversified my identity. I’ve been around the world, speak multiple languages, have a wide array of friends of varying lifestyles, am a good musician, a successful writer — if my business crashed, it would surely suck and be stressful, but I imagine emotionally I would hold up much better.

What do you care about? I mean, what do you really care about? Invest yourself in a wide range of areas. If you like music, start attending concerts or learn an instrument. Don’t just travel as a vacation, but invest in learning about the cultures. Learn a new language. Make time for old friends. Pick up new hobbies. Get competitive in something. Expand yourself beyond your work and your relationships. Go out for no other reason than to be with your friends. Learn how to dance. Take some time off work. Attend a meditationretreat.

And don’t just do something else, but care about it, invest yourself in it.

Lest you become like our finance guru at a Tony Robbins seminar. Because chances are, the Batman of Psychology is not going to be around to save you.

12:43:00 - By Vincent 0

THE SIMPLE JOYS ARE THE MOST MEANINGFUL

By Mark Manson

The cute Brazilian girl in the cell phone store looks up at me and sputters a series of syllables in my general direction. She’s been fiddling with my phone for 15 minutes now, the phone I just bought for twice as much as I would have paid in any other country. Now she can’t get it to work. Explanation is pending, at least until I decipher the Portuguese syllable soup she continues to vomit at me.

I’m frustrated, if you didn’t notice.

“Não entendo,” I reply, for probably the twelfth time. It means “I don’t understand.” One of the only Portuguese phrases I know.

The coy smile she had given me the first few times I said it are now replaced with an aching impatience. She frowns at me, then at the phone, and then sighs. She pulls out a Post-It note, scrawls some Portuguese on it, hands it to me along with my dysfunctional new phone and slowly instructs me to go to another store in the mall and have them deal with it. She has to repeat these instructions three times before I understand them. This is the fourth cell phone store I am being sent to. Apparently there are a lot of bureaucratic procedures involved with buying a cell phone in Brazil, the details of which are obviously sailing clear over my head. And since none of the store clerks speak English, they’ve all eventually reached a breaking point, lost patience and sent me down to the next store to be somebody else’s headache.

The entire process has taken close to three hours… and it’s still not over. The mall cell phone nightmare continues.

(Although to be honest, it should have only been about an hour-and-a-half, I fell asleep in the Claro store waiting for a customer service rep to call my number. I awoke 45 minutes later to find they had proceeded to half a dozen customers beyond me. I strained to convince the rep to take me next since I had been there an hour. But my Portuguese persuasion skills weren’t very effective… OK, since we’re being honest right now, they were non-existent. I couldn’t say a thing, and therefore I hardly raised a fuss. Thus I took a new number and sat my ass back down, this time forcing myself to remain awake for the ensuing 30 minutes I would wait… again.)

I never resolved my cell phone issue that day. I finally found an old man in the mall who spoke English and was kind enough to come translate for me — yes, I walked around a Brazilian mall randomly approaching people to find someone to translate for me. It turns out that Brazil requires an identification number to activate any cell phone bought within the country, the equivalent of having a Social Security Number in the US to buy a cell phone. There’s a formal process that’s required and if you’re a foreigner and don’t work for a Brazilian company, then you’re screwed (unless you can get a friend to come in and register your phone under their name). As is probably obvious, I did not have any Brazilian friends with me. So almost four hours after arriving, I left the mall, having paid too much for a phone I still couldn’t use.

…And then got lost going home.

This was my first day in Sao Paulo. And I would be lying if I said days like this were rare. They don’t happen that often, but with enough regularity that the seething frustration, the awkward self-consciousness, the mental exhaustion, and the unavoidable sense of isolation, they’ve all become familiar to me now.

Today, internet entrepreneurship is the latest rage. Attachment-free mobile living is the new dream. And you don’t have to look much further than the 4 Hour Work Week to see the romanticization of such a post-modern lifestyle.

But as with any lifestyle, there are strengths and weaknesses to it. It’s not all a bed of roses. You sacrifice some things to gain others. And don’t worry, I’m not here to complain about every trying moment I’ve come across in two-and-a-half years of traveling. There have been far, far, far more good days than bad. And I would not take back a single life decision I’ve made.

But I do want to paint a realistic picture of what this lifestyle entails, the highs with the lows. And posit that perhaps the biggest difference between this lifestyle and a conventional one, is simply that the highs are higher and the lows lower, thus reorienting what one values spending their time on.

Because this is what you don’t hear, and that Tim Ferriss would never tell you: that day after the Brazilian cell phone debacle, after finally finding my way back to my hotel at dusk, I went and sat in my room by myself. Without TV. Without Wifi. No movies. No friends (not like I’d be able to call them anyway). Nothing to do. I went home and laid in bed for most of the evening. Physically and mentally drained and miserable.

And alone.

There’s nothing new about a bad day. We all have them. And we all have our own strategies to unravel our negative emotions. Sometimes we call up a friend and unload on them, perhaps over beers. Or we call up mom or dad and look for a little reassurance. Maybe we put on a movie with our significant other and just forget about everything for a few hours. Or maybe we hit the gym or take it out on a basketball court.

But life on the road, it’s quite often that you don’t have any friends to have beers with, you can’t call a parent and lean on them for some support, you don’t have a movie to watch or someone to curl up with, no gym membership, no basketball court. Often you have to take the brunt of your emotions alone, with nothing to distract you from them.

And it’s hard. But it makes you stronger, more mentally resilient, more centered. When you do eventually bounce back, life feels much lighter. And those joyous experiences you feel in contrast to the dark and lonely ones become that much better. In fact, I’ve found that the stark contrast between highs and lows has actually begun to redefine what those joyous moments are.

Some of my happiest memories from last year were going out and just having beers with some friends. Nothing more, nothing less. Something which I did weekly for years and years prior to this new lifestyle and that was always available to me.

It’s a bizarrely paradoxical effect on one’s emotional life: the extreme highs and novelty of experience render certain “exciting” activities to feel meaningless, and the extreme lows of isolation and frustration make many “normal” activities feel exciting and fulfilling. A Fourth of July parade looks a lot different after you’ve been to Carnaval in Brazil (twice) and stayed up three days straight partying in Ibiza. And I’ll give you a hint: it becomes really boring.

A road trip to the beach back home seems silly in comparison to living on the beach in Thailand, or taking surfing lessons in the swells of Bali. In many ways, you become jaded to your former life.

But on the other hand, the dark times of loneliness, depression, frustration, and isolation make other routine daily events of life — events which you and everyone else take for granted — that much better and more significant.

Last year, I got terribly sick in a rural town in India — possibly the last place on earth you would want to be sick. I had a scorching fever, cold chills and a headache that jackhammered the inside of my skull. I ran out of potable water at about 10PM, and the only stores in town had closed down for the night. I laid in bed through the entire night, unable to sleep due to fever and sweats. No medicine. Dehydrated and incredibly thirsty. And just to make things more interesting, a few hundred bugs swarmed into the room and were now crawling and buzzing around the walls, and occasionally on me.

Mom’s Christmas dinner tastes a lot better after an experience like that.

Which I guess is what the paradox resolves into: a devaluing of superficial pleasures and a greater appreciation for simple, authentic ones. I don’t really enjoy the presents at Christmas anymore, the fireworks at fourth of July, or even the parties on New Year’s Eve. I’ve seen bigger parties, been to more beautiful places, and already own everything I’ll ever want in this life. But unlike before, I appreciate every day spent with those who mean a lot to me. A quiet beer on a patio. Watching a basketball game together. Going to a birthday party or a barbecue. These are the events I look forward to now and get excited about, days and weeks ahead of time… And that’s probably the way it should be.

12:28:00 - By Vincent 0

12 Things You Don't Actually Need to Have Figured Out by Age 30

BY LOCKE HUGHES

In our early 20s, many of us are introduced to the post-grad world, which is apparently full of possibilities. The sky’s the limit! Anything we can put our mind to we can accomplish! Live your dreams!

Or so we’ve been told. Bombarded by messages of endless opportunity, it’s not insane to expect things to just sort of work out as they’re supposed to—just like they did while you plodded through high school and (if you're lucky) college, from class to class and grade to grade.

Once you accept that being 'grown up' isn’t exactly what you thought it would be, it can be pretty freeing.

But as you’ve probably realized by now, life isn’t always linear. Things don’t always turn out the way you pictured in elementary school, doodling your dreams in your favorite Lisa Frank notebook. While it’s sort of terrifying, once you accept that being “grown up” isn’t exactly what you thought it would be, it can be pretty freeing.

I’m not saying setting goals isn’t worthwhile (it is)—but when your goals take a little longer to reach or you end up shifting your priorities, that’s OK too. From settling down to paying off all your loans, here are 12 things you don’t have to have figured out quite yet.

1. How to Travel the World

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I don’t think I have to tell you that traveling is awesome: It opens your eyes to new cultures, beautiful sights, and different types of people. But it’s also stressful, time-consuming, and expensive. And when you follow the adventures of travel bloggers on Instagram, days spent in a cubicle don’t quite compare.

However, putting off a career (and real life) to bounce from Yacht Week to music festival to 10-day yoga retreat isn’t 1) all that realistic and 2) all it’s cracked up to be. Science even confirms it: One studyfound that social media does a great job of highlighting all the glamorous upsides of a jet-setting lifestyle—without portraying the potential drawbacks. As this writer puts it, a picture might be worth a thousand words, but it also leaves out two thousand others.

2. The Person You’ll Marry

As if relationships weren’t tough enough, we now have Tinder and every other app thrown into the mix, making dating in your 20s a whole new game. All that swiping makes it seem like there are a ton of fish in the sea, so when you don’t find the Nemo to your Dory, it kind of sucks.

If you haven’t met the love of your life—the person you want to wake up next to every day for the rest of your life—it’s OK. That’s a huge decision. Don’t let other people’s expectations (or nosy questions) make you rush into something that isn’t right. That’ll just lead to way more heartache down the road. And if you’re putting pressure on yourself because you must. Settle. Down. By. Age. 30, maybe it’s time to rethink your time frame.

3. Your Dream Job

While it's awesome to be ambitious, the reality is that most of us start in entry-level jobs with mind-numbing tasks like checking email and fetching coffee (been there, done that). But no matter where you start, even on the lowest rung of the corporate ladder, there's ample opportunity to grow, network, and learn from the people around you. Getting the career you want involves busting your ass—and being humble in the process.

Also: If you find out your so-called dream job is a dud (or even if you get let go of said dream job), there’s a silver lining. As this articlepoints out, that kind of “career reality check can inspire soul-searching—and ultimately lead you in an unexpected, more satisfying direction.” And your 20s are meant to be a time for finding that out.

4. Where You Want to Live for the Rest of Your Life

...let alone owning a home in that city. If you’re still renting your place, own it—er, be proud of it. This is probably the only time in your life you’re not going to be tied down by mortgage payments, a car, a partner, and/or kids. Move once (or twice). Check out new cities you may want to live in. Spend more time outside your apartment than you do in it. Unless you’re deeply in love with where you live (more power to you if so!), isn’t it more fun NOT to know where you’ll be in five, 10, or 20 years?

5. Running a Marathon

Or a triathlon or even a half-marathon. This is not a prerequisite you have to check off your life to-do list. Of course, if running, biking, or swimming is your thing, go for it. But there are plenty of other ways to work out that don’t involve losing toenails, peeing in a wetsuit, orexhausting yourself, physically and mentally. Move your body in a way that makes you feel good—that’s all that matters.

6. Starting a Side Business

 

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Sometimes it sounds like everyone has a side gig or passion project they work on after their 9-to-5. While there are definitely advantages to pursuing your passion outside of your day job, don’t beat yourself up if you haven’t quite found one yet. If you’d rather leave work, go home, and veg out in front of Netflix most nights, that’s your prerogative. And working hard at your day job—where they’re paying you to be fully present—is your no. 1 priority right now.

7. Your Faith

Maybe you grew up praying before every meal and going to church every Sunday. Maybe your parents couldn’t care less about religion. Either way, it’s now up to you to decide what type of role you want faith—in any higher power—to play in your life. In our 20s, many of us stray away from how our parents approached religion (and I bet your parents did the same thing). Whether you’ve gotten into mindful meditation, you still go to Bible studies, or you’ve stopped thinking about faith altogether, whatever you believe in is your choice. Just keep the faith you’ll figure it all out.

8. Cooking Fancy Meals

While we’re all about learning kitchen basics, if cooking just isn’t your thing, don’t beat yourself up about it. Knowing how to make pasta or the perfect boiled egg are nice skills to have, but don’t feel like you need to throw together four-course dinner parties for your friends every weekend. You’ll have plenty of time later in life to brush up on your knife skills.

9. The Right Balance Between Your Relationships

Your third decade of life may start in college, where you’re surrounded by friends day and night. By the end of it, some people will have settled down with just one person, maybe for life. In between, there will be periods of reveling in your glorious singledom as well as those crazy-in-love times when you can’t leave your S.O.’s side. Both are perfectly fine and normal, but finding the exact ratio of time to give your love interests, your friends, and your family is a giant balancing act that takes time to figure out. True friends will stick with you through it all (and call you out for being MIA when they haven’t seen you in weeks).

10. Allllll of Your Finances

There are a few things you should know about managing money in your 20s, but if you aren’t actively investing in the stock market or are still paying off student loans, it’s OK. (In fact, it’s probably smart to be wary of that app idea your friends think up one night at a bar.) While it’s great to sock some money away in a 401(k) if your company offers one, don’t sweat it if not. Just be sure to save some money, whether it’s in an IRA or a savings account!

11. Designing the ~Perfect~ Home or Apartment

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Truth: IKEA furniture rocks. (My couch and coffee table from that magical place still look good after almost six years.) So do picture frames and towels from Target. Whether you’re still in the roommate stage or living solo, you don’t need to have fully decked-out digs with pricey furniture and original artwork. Make your place as cozy and livable and cute as you’d like—there are plenty of ways to do that for almost no money. And be grateful if you don’t have to deal with a mortgage and yard maintenance (yet).

12. Exactly What You Want to Do in Life

Here’s a little secret: No one really knows what they’re doing—especially in their 20s. No, it’s not a throwaway decade, but it’s also not a race. Take the time to figure out what you really, really want in life and work toward it, but don’t freak out if you don’t haven’t achieved all the things you thought you would’ve by some made-up milestone. You only have one life, and it’s way too short to spend beating yourself up.

12:12:00 - By Vincent 0

10 Ways to Reduce Rigidness, Decrease Anxiety, Increase Flexibility, and Have More Fun

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By Andrea Umbach

Structure, organization, and consistency are highly encouraged in the workplace, at school, or in parenting. But how much is too much? At what point do we become too rigid and inflexible?

As a clinical psychologist, I’m not surprised that I frequently see rigidness in individuals who are depressed and anxious. A good source of ways to learn about managing symptoms of anxiety and depression is the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA) website.

People who are controlling and inflexible often find themselves frustrated because the rest of the world doesn’t live by their rules and expectations. Just because you want to eat green foods only or arrive to the airport three hours early doesn’t mean that anyone else wants to, so you are setting yourself up for disappointment.

Flexibility means seeing things from different perspectives, tolerating ambiguity, taking risks, and learning from mistakes. It helps us adapt to a constantly changing environment and shows that we can handle diversity and accept other people’s preferences. Flexibility leads to openness, more opportunities, and less depression and anxiety.

Adults and children must find a balance between structure and spontaneity. Structure allows for a framework, choices, and some flexibility, but rigidity means you follow the rules — or else. How do you find balance? The best thing is to maintain structure and organization, but allow time for fun and taking advantage of opportunities that come your way.

Some people can do this on their own. But others need the help of a therapist. With appropriate treatment from a mental health professional, you can overcome anxiety and depression, which leads to a healthier quality of life.

Try these 10 ways to increase your flexibility:

1. Observe your rigid behaviors. Spend a few days actively taking note of your routines and rules. Ask your partner, children, or friends to tell you when your rigidness appears. This exercise isn’t meant to make you feel bad; it should help you learn to make your life more flexible.

2. Try new things. Try a new food, sport, type of movie, deodorant, anything! Get your brain used to doing things differently. If you havesocial anxiety and are worried about being judged by others, be honest about the worst thing that could happen: You might feel uncomfortable. But taking a risk will help you tackle the unexpected and open up to new experiences.

3. Embrace opportunities. Don’t say “no” purely out of habit. Instead of thinking of 20 reasons not to do something new, think of five reasons you should do it. Keep the bigger picture in mind. For example, I might not feel like going out with friends, but I want to continue to build friendships.

4. Be in the moment. Don’t think about all the other things you need to do. Slow down and focus on what you are experiencing internally and externally at that moment. Remind yourself of what you value most. I’m guessing that having good family relationships ranks higher than a clean kitchen.

5. Mix it up. Do you always do things exactly the same for a reason or just out of habit? Practice doing things differently. Drive a new route to work, substitute spinning for yoga, or build a fort with the kids and let them sleep in it. Show yourself that you can do things differently, and nothing disastrous will happen.

6. Go with the flow. This one might be a bigger challenge: Allow others to take charge. Have a day where your partner or friend plans everything without your opinion. This is a great way to see how it feels to be on the other side of rigid.

7. Compromise. Identify the situations where you are always in charge. Are there others in your life who deserve some input ? They may have stopped giving their opinions because you don’t acknowledge them, so this will be an adjustment for both parties. Actively listen to others and see if you can meet them half way.

8. Let it go. Practice letting the small stuff go. If your partner doesn’t fold the towels the way you like or the kids don’t make their beds well, just let it be. Keeping quiet will be very difficult at first, but consider how much freedom you’ll gain not having to monitor or complete every single task on your own.

9. Catch yourself. Monitor your vocabulary for “can’t,” “shouldn’t,” or “not right.” These are red flags that you are moving into rigid territory. Try “let’s see,” “let’s find out,” “I’m not sure,” or “what do you think?”

10. Practice. Just as you have to practice stretching your muscles to become more physically flexible, you must do the same thing to become mentally flexible. Set small goals at first, such as making one small change each day. The more you can challenge yourself to allow for new experiences, the easier it will be to integrate them into your everyday life.

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13:00:00 - By Vincent 0

Digital Detoxing - Social Media Age Necessity or Hollow Fad?

BY Paul O’Mahony

A very common complaint about modern society is that we're all a bit too connected.

 I mean sure, social media has enabled us to forge friendships without borders, set up businesses with no fixed office and gain unlimited access to infinite animal GIFs, but is a life spent staring at screens turning us all into the digital undead?

Some seem to think so, which is part of the reason why 'digital detox' camps have suddenly come into existence. What's digital detoxing? Glad you asked, it's essentially a retreat you go to where you completely relinquish your technological tethers, no computers, no phones,  no smartwatches, not even a solitary FitBit. 

It's an intriguing idea, if not a particularly revolutionary one, after all that's how weekend retreats used to work by default, back when none of this technology was as portable, or permanently hooked up to the grid. There are a few examples of this that are just retreats which give you the option of uncoupling yourself from the web, but many newer iterations do actually make it their main prerogative, such as Camp Grounded.

Camp Grounded has 4 sites: Mendocino in California, Cold Spring in upstate New York, Hendersonville in North Carolina and Marble Falls in Texas. All of them follow the same ethos - beautiful surroundings, activities that make adults feel like big kids and absolutely zero internet or digital access until you leave.

It's an intriguing idea, but is there any merit to it beyond a few days bumming around in forests and lakes? Seemingly there very much is. Evidence has suggested that people who take more time out from their digital proclivities forge better relationships, have improved mental health and are generally more productive. Like the Radiohead song, but without the deliberate irony. 

Many companies have actually adopted digital detoxing as a form of company vacation, which will sound familiar if you've ever seen The Thick of It. More and more, digital dependency is becoming a recognised condition among psychologists, and social media has a particularly active roll in it. The need to scroll through a news feed several times a day, watch a status update to see the likes trickle in, or even just wait to see when someone sees a message are all on the more severe end of the spectrum. 

The beauty of 'digital detoxing' is that it needn't be something you have to seek out. It's as simple as just taking some time away from screens, for a few hours, a day or a weekend, as long as people know they won't be able to get hold of you. You could even just turn all your push notifications off so that only calls and texts come through, cutting out anything that you can wait to look at until later. Give it a try some time, you might find yourself feeling very refreshed, and less square-eyed.

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16:30:00 - By Vincent 0