A Timeless Truth

By Bob Proctor,

While going through my files I came across a blurb from Catholic Digest written by Mary Kinsolving which is as relevant today as it was many years ago when it was written.  Ms. Kinsolving tells a story of living in Manhattan where, as a child, her mother walked her to school four blocks away every morning and then walked home with her again in the afternoon.  One hard winter her mother came down with pneumonia and Mary had to go to school and return home by herself.  She states that on the way home the second day she fell on some ice while crossing the street and at that moment a car skidded towards her and came within inches of her before it stopped.  "The driver helped me up," she said, "and I managed to get home but didn't tell my mother because I didn't want her to worry."

The next morning the streets were even icier and when she came to her first cross street she was terrified and stated that she stood at the intersection for a long time.  Finally, an elderly woman came over to her and said, "I don't see very well.  May I hold your hand when I cross the street?"  She replied, "Oh, yes," and the elderly lady took her hand and "before long we were on the other side."  Then Mary Kinsolving walked a short distance and looked back to see how the woman was doing.  To her surprise, "She was crossing the street we had just crossed together and was walking by herself much faster than we had before."  Ms. Kinsolving then realized that the lady had pretended poor eyesight only to help her cross the street.  Much later in life she understood that she could overcome her own fears by helping someone else.

What marvelous advice from years gone past!  Take that approach to life and I will SEE YOU AT THE TOP!

12:55:00 - By Vincent 0

Managing My Depression Is a Constant Struggle. Here's What's Helped

BY JOHN ROMANIELLO

We throw the word "depression" around a lot. That's the unfortunate truth. We use it to describe a weeklong period of sadness after a breakup or a few days of feeling bad when things aren’t going our way. I don’t mean to trivialize those experiences or emotional hardships. But being sad is not the same as being depressed—that’s only the smallest part of it.

Depression is about feeling trapped by overwhelming unhappiness, completely surrounded by an impenetrable fog of misery, and a general acceptance of the idea that it will never go away.

Winston Churchill called depression “the black dog.” His reasoning was simple: Like a hunting dog, it would always be nipping at his heels, following him. For some people, the black dog is omnipresent. For others, like myself, depression comes and goes—but even when you’re not suffering, you’re always aware of the black dog off in the distance, waiting to close in. This is an uncomfortable thought to which one must adapt: Even when you’re not depressed, you’re afraid of depression.

In My Case

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When I say I’ve suffered from “debilitating” depression, I mean exactly that: I’ve had long periods of time (three months or more) when getting out of bed was the only thing I could accomplish each day. And sometimes that was a stretch.

There have been times when I would break down and cry for seemingly no reason or randomly snap and put my fist through a window before I could rein in my temper. There were months when I hid from friends and family, pretending everything was fine and that I was too “busy” to see them while sitting alone in the dark. More often than I care to admit, there were times when I needed to be working on some massive project, but instead would spend a weekend watching an entire season of some TV show I’d already seen.

That’s what depression is like for me: a general inability to perform. And with it, a feeling of shame and guilt for not being able to do so, compounded by the ever-growing anxiety of deadlines.

In many ways, being truly depressed is sort of like being immunocompromised: It weakens you emotionally and psychologically, wears you down to your bones—and suddenly, things that would not normally affect you or which you could fight off with ease overwhelm you. When I’m depressed, I’m infinitely more susceptible to things like guilt, fear, shame, and regret. I’ll dwell on mistakes I made years ago and think about all of the ways I could have done things differently. I’ll feel ashamed of myself and my actions or inaction—and actively fantasize about the ways the lives of everyone around me would be better if I were simply not there.

Small setbacks seem like incomprehensible obstacles. Tiny transgressions seem like reasons for justifiable homicide.

Small setbacks seem like incomprehensible obstacles. Tiny transgressions seem like reasons for justifiable homicide. Mustering up the energy to shower sometimes takes days. Sleep comes unbidden or not at all. Training is half-hearted at best. Food turns to ash, and everything that isn’t made of chocolate seems to be made of cardboard. Life is pretty sh*tty.

Coming Out the Other Side

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Since I’m clinically depressed and not bi-polar, I don’t have cycles of depression alternated with extreme mania. I just have periods of being depressed and periods of being a relatively normal human being. Most of the time I’m fine and happy and productive. I’m typically brash, boisterous, happy-go-lucky. I’m friendly and goofy and annoyingly passionate about love and life and sex and food and literature and music.

But depression doesn’t really follow any schedule or come at predictable intervals. Things just start feeling awful, and then they feel worse. And then you sort of get used to feeling awful. And then maybe things change a bit.

There is no massive change, no celebratory event, no clear signal that the storm has passed. Things just slowly get better. Day by day you’re able to function just a little bit more.

There’s an old saying about the month of March: It comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb. Depression, then, is the March of your emotional calendar. And like March, it strikes suddenly and takes over absolutely everything. When it fades, it’s gradual. There is no massive change, no celebratory event, no clear signal that the storm has passed. Things just slowly get better. Day by day you’re able to function just a little bit more. And then one day you look up and realize you’re doing pretty well. Things seem less gray, and the world seems to offer reasons to keep living.

And there are reasons—thousands upon thousands of reasons. And they’re all around you. You just need to wait things out long enough for the veil to lift so you can see them. Now let’s talk about how to do that.

How I’ve Coped

Therapy and medication are viable options for treatment, as are other less clinical approaches: meditation, exercise, certain dietary changes. All of them work in their own way. While I dislike medication, I admit that antidepressants, taken in moderate doses for short periods of time (8 to 12 weeks), have seemed to get me through the hardest times.

Whether you find yourself besieged by depression and/or thoughts of suicide, or you know someone who may be in distress, I’d like to provide some other resources that have helped me.

1. Pick up the phone.

If you’re actually considering suicide, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline immediately: 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).

2. Educate yourself.

If you’re exploring depression from an academic perspective and trying to figure out how the pieces fit together in your particular emotional landscape, I encourage you to spend some time reading the following articles:

Some Practical Thoughts on Suicide, by Tim Ferris
This amazing series on The Art of Manliness, collectively titled Leashing the Black Dog:

• Part 1: My Struggle With Depression
• Part 2: The History of Depression
• Part 3: What Causes Depression?
• Part 4: The Symptoms of Depression
• Part 5: A Realistic, Encouraging, Compassionate, No-Nonsense, Research-Backed, Action-Oriented Guidebook to Managing Your Depression

3. Do nothing; be silent; be still. Breathe.

Take a moment and try to take the long view.

Perspective is important because chances are whatever fresh hell you’re experiencing is a temporary thing. Eventually you’re going to feel better—or at least, less awful. Your experience of depression, however powerful, is an exercise in exposure to the impermanence of humanity—and there is simply no real upside to facilitating death with suicide. Because once you’re dead, that’s it. Game over.

While I admit that the idea of committing suicide might occasionally reach out to the tortured artist in me, the pragmatic side of my personality rails against the thought. Because suicide is permanent—and ultimately robs the world of whatever contributions you may make in the future. What if Hemingway killed himself before The Sun Also Rises? Or The Old Man and the Sea?

While I cannot claim any Pulitzer Prize-winning manuscripts, in my own small way, I change lives. I have a file on my computer of emails filled with several hundred notes from people who have said my work has changed their lives; those are lives I would not have had the chance to change had I checked out years ago. To me, that is a reason to keep living.

4. Take control.

I’ve come to believe that suicide is an attempt to feel in control, and both depression and anxiety result (in part) from feeling out of control. So take control—of something, anything.

Take control of your body. Cut your hair. Get a tattoo. Sign up for a transformation challenge. You’d be surprised how this can help. (I am endlessly surprised by how many of my clients tell me they were suffering from depression before starting their fitness journey.)

Take control of your environment. Change something. Devote five minutes a day to imposing your will on something external. There have been some surveys that suggest that something as simple as making your bed every morning can mitigate the symptoms of depression.

Take control of your mind. Meditate. Read. Write. Examine. Discuss. Whatever seems interesting to you, dive into it and allow it to eat up some of the energy the black dog is trying to siphon from you. I have a friend who was experiencing intense feelings of anxiety and who decided to address it by taking control of his inbox. He made it a game to see how many things he could unsubscribe from or delete in a single day then tried to beat it the following day; within two weeks, he was at inbox zero—and he said that helped.

5. Do less.

A big part of feeling out of control is simply feeling overwhelmed. If you have too much sh*t to do and your ability to produce is already hampered by your emotional state, then you’re not going to get it all done. Trust me, this will push you further in depression.

If you can eliminate something, do it. Do less. Say no to as much as you can. Push off any obligations or projects that aren’t immediately urgent. Delegate things to other people, and actually allow them to help you.

6. Ask for help.

This is the hardest thing of all but also the single most important—and the most beneficial. If you’re anything like me, you feel deep shame about asking for help and more so about needing help.

I find it almost impossible to look back now and get into the mind of the person I was in those moments—but I do know that I did not allow myself to ask for help.

I’ve had three actual suicide attempts: two of which I can say in retrospect were more a cry for help (ironic, as I never told anyone about them), and one that qualifies as what mental health professionals label a sincere attempt. I find it almost impossible to look back now and get into the mind of the person I was in those moments—but I do know that I did not allow myself to ask for help.

What I’ve come to believe is that suicide is something that is contemplated for extended periods of time— yet the decision to execute is made in a single moment. Had I just reached out to someone, anyone, I would have gotten through that particular moment and been able to lean on them for support.

Ask for help. From a friend. A loved one. A stranger. The hotline. A support group.

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13:01:00 - By Vincent 0

Letting Go: How It Helps You

BY Donna Merrill 

Letting go does not mean giving up! In fact, it helps you gain peace of mind and move forward.

Today I’ve a special guest – please welcome Donna, who’s an intuitive life coach and personal development expert. Let’s read all that she has to share with us today – over to her.

Letting go of anything is so difficult for some people. It can be a hurtful family member or just a piece of furniture.

When we refuse to let go, what happens? We remain stagnant.

Our life is so cluttered with the old, often useless and dysfunctional stuff that we have no room for new things to come in.

I know how difficult it is when a loved one passes on. We mourn our loss and go through a ritual such as burying or cremating the person. Each culture has its own way of facing the “ending”.

We give ourselves time to mourn and then let go. I don’t want to sound morbid by using this example, but it is the ultimate experience of letting go.

Death is something everyone learns to handle because it is an inevitable part of the natural life cycle.

But what happens to people when they become entrenched in a specific lifestyle, or a particular journey and they just can’t adjust to any alteration or modification?

Why People are Afraid of Letting Go

People may stay at a job they don’t like because of fear of what is beyond their potential. Some stay there for years and do not allow themselves to grow and enjoy the things they may love to do.

I notice that when people refuse to let go of things that just don’t work for them any longer, their happiness and sense of self worth start to melt away. They cannot enjoy their spouse, their family, etc.

They may get angry or play victim to the very circumstances that they foster. In any case, they won’t allow themselves to try to extend themselves even for a job interview, let alone starting their own business.

And, often enough, if they do step out of their comfort zone and things don’t work out, they quickly play the blame game to make things somebody else’s fault.

Letting Go of Things in Your Life

I know a woman who is quite a hoarder. Now, this is a physical and transparent form of refusing to let go.

This person cannot let go of her furniture because it reminds her of her past. Her garage is full of surplus furniture and she always complained about it, and begged me to help her get rid of it. But first, I extended myself by visiting her to take pictures of everything, from furniture down to the silverware.

I made a photo album for her so she could keep those memories without cluttering her home. Little by little, she started to give away something here and there. But she didn’t let go of these things without anxiety.

So each time she gave something away, I suggested that she look at the picture we took. After two years, her house has nothing but the essentials in it. Now she is even ready to move to a new place.

Unsurprisingly, this woman’s willingness to let go of her furniture has opened her to letting go of some negative relationships in her life. As she has done so, she’s been able to replace them some good and positive relationships that she had previously avoided.

This is one simple way to illustrate how letting go of things go in our lives enables us to grow, and to move on to new adventures and possibilities.

Letting Go and Starting Your Business

When it comes to our wonderful world of business on the internet, I find that lots of folks are fearful of letting go of menial jobs that are going nowhere in order to start their own business.

So, what can we do with the person who can’t let go of dead-end jobs and careers, even though they are fully capable of doing better?

“Create a back door!” I usually suggest. Go on working as usual, but create time to work on your own business. Nothing happens overnight.

Start your new venture part time, utilizing spare evening or weekend hours. There are many successful people who are doing business part time via the Internet.

That phrase “create a back door” is comforting to those who find it difficult to let go all at once. All one has to do is be diligent, persistent and a business will bloom.

Time is not necessarily of the essence here. “Letting go” is.

Starting an online business part time affords a comfort zone to many people that I’ve consulted with.

They can rely on the job that keeps them financially and emotionally comfortable, while taking daring little chances for a few hours a day.

It’s really not uncommon that before they know it, they are able to totally let go of the go-nowhere job and mentality, and apply themselves fully to doing what makes them happy.

Letting Go of People in Your Life

Letting go of people that are toxic is a biggie, too!

I must have heard a hundred stories about people that won’t let go of a toxic or worse,abusive relationship.

I feel this is the worst form of refusing to let go, especially if there are children involved in the situation.

It is often not an easy thing to let go of a partner because of financial situations, or worse, the syndrome whereby one spouse believes that they cannot survive without the other, even if it puts them (and others) in harm’s way.

Now, if there are children involved in this situation, they are being abused, too. Yes! If daddy is putting down mommy or even worse, displaying violence, the children will suffer, too. To me that is criminal.

But hey, I’m not Queen of the world. I just know this from my own personal experience!

When the abused spouse lets go of the abusive partner (and sometimes it is best to get help before one does it), they end up gaining strength. Why? Because it takes so much strength to deal with that situation, when it is over, the victim who couldn’t let go – turns into the victor who did.

Conclusion

So you see – letting go is often required in order for you to move forward in your life, and in your business.

We all need to let go of some things in our lives in order to grow. The above examples may be pretty extreme, but try applying it to even small things in your life.

Are you holding on to something that you just cannot shake? Do you dream of anything at all that you aren’t doing right now?

What are you waiting for? Let go of ANYTHING that is holding you back and realize that you never stuck in time, you are always evolving. Growth and development never end!

Over To You –

Do you believe in letting go? What can you let go of to make room for growth and improvement in your life? Share in the comments.

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13:33:00 - By Vincent 0