Comfort Zone Challenge 19, get rejected 10 times in a row

Comfort Zone Challenge 19, get rejected 10 times in a row

14:57:00 - By Vincent 0

Giving Kick-Ass Presentations In The Age Of Social Media

By DREW NEISSER

Seven (somewhat snarky) new rules for public speaking in the social media era.

It was painful to watch. Jon Bond, the former ad giant turned social media honcho, was actually getting heckled at the Pivot Conference. When faced with what was a feisty crowd to begin with, Bond admitting that he "didn’t like Twitter" was like throwing fresh meat at rabid dogs. But rather than raise their voices, they let their fingers do the shouting. So while Bond continued to speak, a steady stream of snarky tweets projected on the wall behind him, acting like foghorns and essentially drowning him out.

Being a great speaker was never easy, but now, with your audience likely to have a mobile device in hand and real-time access to multiple social channels, the challenges have gotten that much greater. To get a sense of the impact of social media on conference presentations, I interviewed a bunch of regulars on the social media circuit. In the process, they helped me identify these seven (somewhat snarky) new rules for public speaking in the social media era.

1. Don’t Panic if They Aren’t Looking at You

Sure, it's disconcerting when you gaze out at the audience and no one looks back. But whatever you do—don’t panic. Just because they are transfixed by their mobile devices, doesn’t mean they aren’t all ears. "I think the body language tells you if they’re paying attention—it’s far more distracting to see people whispering to each other than it is to see someone tapping on an iPad" said Jenny Dervin, VP of Corporate Communications at JetBlue, who received raves at a recent BDI event. 

2. Stifle the Temptation to Ask for a Device Moratorium

As tempting as it might be to ask your audience to shut down their devices, every speaker I talked to thought this would be a huge mistake. "I might get their undivided attention, but it would be mixed with their ire at being told how to watch my presentation," said former actor and speaker extraordinaire John C. Havens, who reminded me that in the old days, before digital devices, a lot of people would take notes on a pad of paper, which isn’t all that different than tapping out a tweet.

3. If You Aren’t Nervous, You Should Be Now

When I first learned public speaking, an experience advisor suggested that you "imagine the audience is naked," to quell the initial butterflies. Today, speakers are probably better off reminding themselves that they are the naked ones. If your facts are wrong, your audiences will Google then tweet the corrected data before you can say, "I’m just sayin’." And if that isn’t scary enough, as author and speaker Jeff Jarvis proclaimed last year at TED-NY, "the lecture, as a form, is bullshit," so you better ask yourself what you’re doing up there, anyway!

4. If You Don’t Speak Twitterese, It’s Time to Learn It

Let’s just imagine for the moment that your audience is absolutely riveted by your every word. Chances are some, if not many of them, will want to share your wisdom with their network, not tomorrow when they get back to the office, but right at that very moment. It is for this reason today’s effective speakers are not just sharing their Twitter handles upfront but also mixing in tweetable quotes. "Puns, sound bites and pithy phrases are [also] ways to aid in retention," Havens said. 

5. Congratulations! You May Be Speaking to Millions You Can’t SeeThe irony of speaking in the social media era is that audience in front of you may be far less significant than the collective reach of that particular group. "I’d much rather have the broader reach; it is one of the better measurements of speaking at events," said Frank Eliason, SVP of Social Media for Citibank. Havens adds that if his audience is glued to their devices, "odds are half of them are tweeting about my presentation and they’re helping market me!"

6. The Reviews Are In—In Real Time

Rather than waiting to ask a friend after the fact how you did, today’s skilled presenters welcome this feedback in real time. "It’s fun to respond to a tweet when I am on stage, and it personalizes the interaction with the audience," said Eliason. JetBlue’s Dervin finds these tweets helpful as well. "I go back in the stream to see what landed, based on how many people tweeted the same quoted," he said. "It’s an instant evaluation of my key messages."

7. When All Else Fails, Surprise the Audience with HonestyBringing this article back full circle, Jon Bond perplexed the Pivot crowd with his admission of not liking Twitter. While this honesty may have cost him some street cred with a Twitter-loving crowd, I recently saw another speaker use honesty to extraordinary advantage. Ray Kerins, VP of Corporate Communications at Pfizer, transfixed a BDI crowd with tales of a crisis that had befallen ChapStick on Facebook the day before. By admitting that Pfizer’s social media activities were a "work in progress," Kerins earned credibility that reverberated through the Twitterverse.

Final Note

All of the people we spoke to for this piece are very effective speakers, and though each has their own distinctive style, there are a few other commonalities I’d like to point out. First, none of them depend on word-laden PowerPoint presentations. Second, most are good storytellers and use humor, often self-deprecating, to connect with their audiences. Finally, each of them manages to keep their presentations short enough to allow time for a healthy Q&A. Speaking of Q&A’s, you can find my complete interviews with Dervin, Havens, Eliason, and Jarvis onTheDrewBlog.com.

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16:30:00 - By Vincent 0

More 10 Clear Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Care What Others Think

BY TEDDY LIM

“Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.” – Lao Tzu

It is human nature to want to be liked and accepted. However, this often leads to people worrying too much about what others are thinking about them.

This kind of excessive worrying can have a negative effect on your life. It can be so debilitating that it interferes with your ability to feel at ease with yourself and around others. Do not let it prevent you from living your life to the fullest potential.

Here are ten reasons why you should not care about what others think:

1. It’s Not Their Life, So It’s None Of Their Business

People are entitled to think whatever they want, just as you are entitled to think what you want. What people think of you cannot change who you are or what you are worth, unless you allow them to.

This is your life to live. At the end of the day you are the only person who needs to approve of your own choices.

2. They Don’t Know What’s Best For You

Nobody will ever be as invested in your life as you. Only you know what is best for you, and that entails learning from your own choices. The only way you will ever truly learn is through making your own decisions, taking full responsibility for them, and that way if you do fail, at least you can learn from it wholeheartedly, as opposed to blaming somebody else.

3. What’s Right For Someone Else May Be Completely Wrong For You

It’s important to recognize that someone’s opinion is often based on whatthey would do. This alone is the problem. What is best for somebody else, can be the worst thing for you. What one person considers garbage can be another person’s treasure. We are all so unique. Only you know what is right for you.

4. It Will Keep You From Your Dreams

If you are constantly worried about what other people think, you will never get to where you need to go in life. You are going to have to do things that don’t always meet people’s standards. You will come into situations where you have to put your pride, and your reputation on the line to get what you want. If you are constantly worried about what people are thinking, you will never have the will to do what’s right.

5. You’re The One Stuck With The End Result

In life, you are the one stuck with the consequences of your decisions. For example, if someone suggests you buy some stocks, but you just don’t feel like it’s the right choice, you are the only one who will live the consequences. If the stock falls and you lose a lot of money, you are the one that will have to live with the fact that you didn’t follow your inner call. When people give you their suggestions or even orders, there is no risk for them. They don’t have to live with your choices—but you do.

6. People’s Thoughts Change On A Regular Basis

We are constantly changing. Some philosophers and theorists suggest that we are in a constant state of flux, so much that we cannot even say we have one, specific ‘self’ (or a fixed personality). People’s thoughts, ideas and views change on a regular basis.

That means even if somebody does think badly of you at the moment, there is a good chance they will think differently in the near future. So basically, people’s thoughts don’t really matter.

7. Life Is Simply Too Short

You only have one life to live, so why would you spend it worrying about other people’s opinions? Do whatever you want, be whoever you want. You’re not going to see these people after you’re dead. You probably won’t even see them in a year from now. Live your life without worrying about other people’s thoughts and opinion, and you will live your life to the maximum.

8. You Reap What You Sow

Worrying too much about what other people think of you can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Frequently, people indulge their need to be liked so much so that it actually dictates to the way they behave. Some become people-pleasers or so submissive that many people are turned off. The behavior you use as an attempt to ensure you are liked may actually cause you to be disliked.

9. Others Don’t Care As Much As You Think

People generally don’t think outside themselves a great deal of time. It is a sad but simple truth that the average person filters their world through their ego, meaning that they think about most things in terms of “me” or “my”.

This means that, unless who you are or what you have done directly affects another person or their life, they are unlikely to spend much time thinking about you at all.

10. The Hard Truth: It’s Impossible To Please Everybody

You can’t please all of the people all of the time. It is impossible to live up to everyone’s expectations so there is no point in burning yourself out trying to do so. Just make sure that one of the people you please is yourself!

Conclusion

The weight of other’s thought can become a burden for you. It can inhibit you from living your life, because your entire being (your personality, your thoughts, your actions) are controlled by an idealized standard of what people want to see. When you become so obsessed with other people’s opinion of you, you forget your own.

You can make a conscious effort to stop giving a damn; to let yourself free. It’s a skill that needs to be practiced, like meditating. But once you truly understand how to let go, you will see the world as entirely different.

Once you give up catering to other people’s opinion and thoughts, you will find out who you truly are, and that freedom will be like taking a breath for the first time.

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14:49:00 - By Vincent 0

A Guide to Saying I Love You for the First Time

By KIMBERLY MENEO

Contrary to the deep belief in university “hookup culture,” college is the time when many students enter into serious, long-term relationships. With new relationships that start to get serious, there is always that one thing that results in many questions – the “L- word.” You question yourself – When is the right time to say it? And you question your boyfriend/girlfriend – What if they don’t say it back? It is stressful, but there are simple things to keep in mind to make saying i love you seem less scary.

Don’t rush it.

Perhaps the most common oversight new couples face is mistaking love with lust. “I love you” is a statement that holds a lot of meaning and promise, so don’t make the mistake of saying it too soon. Doing so could cause your partner to doubt the sincerity of your love. Waiting to say ‘I love you’ is never a bad thing– it shows you have the maturity to really contemplate how you are feeling and what you are promising to your significant other when you say it.

Put actions before words.

Anyone can say they love someone, but love is shown better than it is told. Think about the way you treat that person, and how you act around them. This can be a true test to see how you’re really feeling. Are you happier around them? Do you want to do all that you can to make them happier? As the saying goes, actions speak louder than words. Pay more attention to actions, rather than words. If they say it first, you might be able to tell if it’s sincere by the way they treat you.

Be yourself.

When you tell someone you love them, you are opening yourself up to that person. Do not use alcohol or any other type of drug to help you speak your mind. (This also goes for sexually charged situations and unusually emotional circumstances.) Doing so will only send a bad message. In a successful relationship, both partners should be able to talk about their feelings openly and confidently. Saying ‘I love you’ for the first time sets a precedent for how you will handle your emotions and trials later in the relationship.

Being afraid to say it is normal.

Many times, people wait for their boyfriend or girlfriend to say the words first. Even though you’re totally sure how you feel, you’re not as sure about how your bae feels. It means more when they say it because you know they feel the same way you do, so you wait. You find yourself whispering to yourself when you and your partner are having a moment – “say it, say it, say it” – but they don’t. Even though you want to shout it from the rooftops, you still wait for them to say it first because you don’t know what the reaction will be. Will they say it back? What if they’re freaked out? But, what if they do say it back? You’ll never know until you build the courage.

Being afraid to say it is normal.

Many times, people wait for their boyfriend or girlfriend to say the words first. Even though you’re totally sure how you feel, you’re not as sure about how your bae feels. It means more when they say it because you know they feel the same way you do, so you wait. You find yourself whispering to yourself when you and your partner are having a moment – “say it, say it, say it” – but they don’t. Even though you want to shout it from the rooftops, you still wait for them to say it first because you don’t know what the reaction will be. Will they say it back? What if they’re freaked out? But, what if they do say it back? You’ll never know until you build the courage.

What if they don’t say it back?

One of the biggest fears people face is the worry that their partner won’t say ‘I love you’ back.  If they don’t say it back, it’s super awkward, but no matter what happens after the fact, you know that you were honest with them, and more importantly with yourself. On the off chance they don’t feel the same way, perhaps the relationship wasn’t meant to be. If they can’t imagine loving you in the future, they clearly were not the right match for you. However, some people just need more time to sort through their feelings to understand where they are in a relationship, and that’s okay (See Tip 1). Telling someone you love them is one of the highest forms of compliment, and no one should ever belittle you for being honest about how you feel.  How they react is a telling tale of the kind of person they are when things turn serious.

Although saying ‘I love you’ for the first time can certainly feel like free falling, taking the time to understand how and why you truly feel the way you do can make those three words much easier to say out loud. However, no matter how much preparation you do, it is likely that when in the right relationship, speaking your mind to your partner will come easily, and the moment will just feel right – much like the moment when you first kissed. Cue the butterflies.

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14:09:00 - By Vincent 0

The Shy Person’s Guide to Talking to Strangers

By JOHN WESLEY

One of the easiest ways to improve your networking ability and invigorate your social life is to develop the skill of talking to strangers.

We’re trained as children to fear strangers (which is good for safety reasons) but most people carry this fear into adulthood where it does more harm than good. It becomes a constraint on the number of people you can meet and interact with. You get stuck in a box, only open to creating new relationships through people you already know.

If you already know a lot of people, this can work all right, but it limits you to meeting people who are generally like you. If you are new to an area and don’t have many friends, the fear of talking to strangers is absolutely crippling.

Fortunately, developing the skill of talking to strangers is easy. Once you get started the immense benefits and excitement it brings will encourage you to keep going.

It comes down to three things:

1. Understanding the benefits of talking to strangers.
2. Knowing how to deal with the occasional rejection or unpleasant encounter.
3. Breaking down your fear through practice.

Everyone is a Learning Experience

To get an idea of the benefits of talking to strangers, you need to change your mentality. As tribal creatures, we’re naturally inclined to fear, nay hate, people we don’t know. We instinctually perceive them as dangerous outsiders, seeking to pillage our village and make off with our women and children!

In modern society this simply isn’t true. Most people are friendly and perfectly open to conversing with you. It just takes a little effort to cross the stranger barrier. Each person is an incredible learning opportunity. What they tell you about themselves. How they live and interact with the world. There is a wealth information waiting to be tapped.

Strangers also tell you a tremendous amount about yourself by the way they react to you. As you gain experience and learn to read body language, these reactions are essential to developing your social skills. Of course, there are also the priceless relationships you’ll have the chance to form:

• Business contacts – Who you know (and what they think of you) is often more important than what’s on your resume.
• Friendships
• Mentors and teachers
• Romantic relationships

I think the last point is extremely important. We all dream of meeting our ideal mate, but when we see someone we’re extremely attracted to, we’re usually too intimidated to approach them. How can you expect to find love with that mentality?

Dealing with Rudeness and Rejection

Now that you’re sold on the benefits of talking to strangers, the only other skill you’ll need is the ability to let rejection roll off your back. The key to this is not taking it personally.

At least 95% of the time when a person reacts negatively to you it has absolutely nothing to do with you personally. Most likely they’re having a bad day or you caught them at the wrong moment. Maybe they’ve been harassed by people before and assume you have bad intentions. Or maybe they’re just not that cool and you wouldn’t gain much from knowing them anyways.

Instead of reliving the incident in your mind and dwelling on your insecurities, imagine reasons for their behavior that don’t depend on you. In the 5% of cases where you actually caused the negative reaction, treat it as a learning experience. The problem isn’t you, it’s your behavior, so examine what you could have done better. Did you come off pushy? Could your personal appearance be better? Thinking about these things will go a long way towards improving yourself.

How to Get Started

That hardest part of talking to strangers is getting started. Before you have experience striking up conversations it can make you nervous and awkward, but the more you do it the smoother and more likeable you’ll become.

Start Small – If you’re a naturally reserved person, you’ll probably want to warm up a bit. Start with making eye contact with people you might like to talk to, smiling at them, or saying Hi out of the blue. Think of possible conversation starters you could say.

Comment on Something – If you see something remarkable, make a comment. Even if it’s not at anyone directly, chances are people will hear and react to you. If you see someone doing or wearing something interesting, tell them what you think. Keep it positive and most likely they will be happy to chat.

Make a Joke – If a decent joke pops into your head, just come out and say it. If someone laughs, that’s the perfect conversation starter. This is great for opening dialogue with attractive people of the opposite sex.

That’s really all there is to it. Good luck and don’t get discouraged. You have nothing to lose but your shyness!

Confidence is the key to EVERYTHING. Ever wondered exactly how self confident you actually are?

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10:08:00 - By Vincent 0